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5 Stages of Winter in Pensacola

We’ve all come to know and hate the winter weather in Pensacola. It can fluctuate from “hotter than two rats making love in a wool sock” to “colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra” in under five hours, and that is just infuriating. Will today be a dress day? a winter coat day? a layering day? You never know. But by the time you make it to school, you know you’ve made a mistake.

Denial on Monday:

Florida is the Sunshine State! The weather is supposed to be beautiful, and we’re supposed to be dipping our toes in the Gulf of Mexico between classes. We’re supposed to be tan! And because we have these expectations burned into our brains, we deny any contrary weather. Thus, tank tops in frigid rain…

Anger on Tuesday:

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal if you expected Tuesday to be like Monday. But here in Pensacola, you can never assume. Your Monday outfit should’ve been your Tuesday outfit, and now you can hardly walk across campus without sweating your brains out. Nothing like wearing a sweater on a hot summer’s day in January. Ugh!

Bargaining on Wednesday:

Today, you’re prepared for whatever weather Pensacola throws at you. Luckily you get to take advantage of a beautiful, sunshine-y day. Unfortunately, you aren’t very prepared at all. You forgot that you haven’t shaved your legs in eight weeks and your skin crisps at the slightest peek of sun. Maybe tomorrow will be better…

Depression on Thursday:

What will it be, what will it be? A hurricane? It isn’t even hurricane seaso- Pensacola doesn’t care about natural weather phenomena. Pensacola has no concern for your sinuses or laundry basket. Pensacola weather does what it wants, and today a tropical depression that upgrades to a Category 4 hurricane will do. Just give up.

Acceptance on Friday:

You’re wearing sweaters in 74-degree heat. You’re wearing tank tops in 16-degree heat and you’re never prepared for the wind or the rain. Just accept your fate. You live in the upside of Florida and this is what you get.

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You'll find me in my hammock between classes, drooling over volcano sushi rolls, or cross stitching in silence. I'm a maritime studies student with a dream of working on oceanic documentaries or founding Atlantis, whichever comes first.
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