I saw a man. A man I thought came from my dreams. He looked so perfect with blonde hair that he swept away so casually and a smile that can melt all of this snow. We never spoke so I don’t know what he sounds like. What are his opinions? I want to learn his opinions. I want to know if he saw me the same way- like a breath of fresh air after breathing nothing but smoke. I never got the chance to make anything happen. I asked his coworker about his relationship status and his response angered me, but it makes so much sense. Baby boy got a girl. Of course he does! The news was devastating. (Not really, but I like to overexaggerate).
Nothing happened and yet I can’t move on. He is on my mind and all it took was a look. Watching him from a distance and his smile entranced me. I want him. -Babe, can you please dump your girl for me, even just for a night?’ I know it was only one glance and he is all I want. Looking at him, even thinking about him, fills my chest with heat- a warmth that lifts my spirits and produces a smile from my soul. Serotonin is flooding my veins. How can I get this reaction when I don’t even know his last name? I know I am not crazy, but he has awoken something in me. I haven’t felt this good in such a long time. Why come down from the clouds? How can I stay in this high?
Seven days later. The internal fire is faint, but it still produces a smile. Moving on from a relationship is entirely different from moving on from a lustful crush. Shifting my focus from an infatuation and back to myself is hard for me. I throw my heart at any new spark and I have learned to welcome the pain that comes with this choice. Rejection used to hurt more when my self-confidence was much lower, in other words, I am improving. If we didn’t talk that is okay. I got to enjoy his presence. I was lucky enough to experience my dream as reality and if one can come exist who can stop more from coming true. If there is one hottie there will be more. If I did not expect baby boy to be real how many more men have I not met yet. I reminded myself that men will come and go, but I need to love myself more than these infatuations. Thank you for the experience, next boo, please!
For a long time, I thought I was unattractive and would never get a man that was considered out of my league. So I thought if I became beautiful I could finally qualify. With age and yes with slowly becoming beautiful, I am more confident. I can finally take a selfie and not be ashamed. My make up skills have improved through practice so I am able to use it to accentuate my features. I am learning to love myself. Thanks to heartbreak and rejections. Thanks to love from family and friends. It is a rocky and bumpy road and yet here I am. Getting over a lustful glimpse, but not removing his image or his imprint completely. I was confident enough to share that I found this next level babe hot. I’m evolving into the confident gorgeous woman I always wanted to be. I did not want to throw hate to move on. I did not want to make up lies to push him down. I fell for him after one look and I enjoyed every minute of it. Thank you baby boy. Can you follow me on Instagram already? Kidding :P