Looking back at my childhood, I am convinced that my mind was poisoned. Growing up, all I knew was that men do not cry and if you do, you were considered “soft” or “feminine”. According to our society, expressing your emotions is something that only women can do, but sometimes even women are looked down on for expressing themselves. I disagree with societies rules so we are starting our own new rules.
The first way to adjust to these new rules is simply accepting you have emotions. We are all humans and it’s okay to express yourself sometimes. This does not make you sensitive, or a coward. Honestly, there isn’t a right or wrong when it comes to having emotions because they just exist. The worst you can do for yourself is trying to act “macho” or pretending you are okay when you know you’re not.
In middle school, we used to do the “why” test in my English class. The “why” test is simply questioning why you are sad so you can try to figure out a solution. You ask yourself “Why am I feeling this way?” Because I’m mad at him/her. “Why am I mad at him/her?” Because they did something that I don’t agree with. “Is there a specific reason why I don’t agree?” Because it brings me back to a place in time when I felt unwanted. “Why did you feel unwanted?” Because I didn’t think I was good enough for anybody. Just doing questions like those can help you understand the real meaning of why you are truly sad or feeling the way you are feeling which can eventually help you find a solution.
Also, don’t be afraid to talk with people that you genuinely trust. The best therapy is having open conversations with someone who feels the exact same way that you do. The only way to know if that person is going through the same thing you’re going through is to just engage with them. Even if that person doesn’t relate they will find means to help you out, whether if it’s just sitting there and letting you vent to them, or giving you advice. If it’s someone you trust they won’t neglect you when you ask, so what’s the worst that can happen? Make sure you specify what you are expecting from them; if you only want them to listen, let them know exactly that. Sometimes it doesn’t always have to be someone you trust, it can be a random person. In the past, I found it suiting talking to someone I don’t know because that way I can hear from an outsider different ways how they handle their emotions. They don’t know your life so they won’t judge you and if they do, tell them about the new rules.
Keep in mind that the new rule starts from you breaking those barriers. Those walls you have put up that are protecting you from being labeled “soft” or “sensitive” aren’t your walls, those walls are what society already had in place for you. Now it’s time to make your own rules and take those walls down because no one should be able to tell you that you aren’t allowed to express the way you’re feeling. No matter what name you are labeled, I promise it won’t make or break you, so it’s best to look out for your own well-being.