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Local Student Gets More Than She Bargained For Responding to Crisis

While getting a head start on some spring cleaning, off-campus student Davia Reynolds came across boxes and boxes of granola bars left over from a relative’s care package. Reports say that she never opened the bars because they were “organic, low fat, and sugar free”. Wanting to clear out some storage space, and do some good, she reached out to her healthy obsessed best friend Shelby to take them off her hands. Unfortunately, Shelby was too preoccupied with serious car malfunctions to take the packages with ease. 

Wanting to do some more good, Davia met Shelby behind one of the academic buildings, hoping to assist with either jumping a battery or changing a tire; the only two things she can do on a car. Sadly, upon arrival to the scene, Davia realized that Shelby was going to need more than simple maintenance to eventually get those granola bars. The two girls stood in the parking lot for hours; making calls to relatives, AAA, insurance companies, and even the non-emergency line to the local police. 

Eventually, Shelby’s car was fixed and she was back on the road, with the dozens of granola bars in tow. 

DISCLAIMER: Satire

Stephanie Zengler is a Business Administration major and Communication Studies minor, and she completely understands if you think her last name is actually Ziegler. Like a lot of business majors, Stephanie has a favorite Andrew Carnegie quote, and like a good communication minor, has very strong opinions on the Oxford comma. Aside from being a Stout student, Stephanie is an avid fan of Bay Area sports, Fleetwood Mac, and the amazingly perfect show Dollface.
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