If you thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse, it has. This Halloween, I was robbed. Let me tell you how. Due to Covid, we decided to just set out a basket of candy for kids to grab, because kids are full of germs, and I’m not getting no virus. Since we usually only get a couple kids every year and have never worried about not having enough candy, I didn’t leave a note for how many to take. I set the basket on the bottom of our porch, so they wouldn’t scare my dogs, but still close enough for the kids to see. The first kids stop by, two boys. Elementary or middle school age. I saw them grab some candy then go to the next houses. I checked, and there was still a good amount of the candy left. I watched them go by the neighbors, so I sat down and went on my phone. After about a few minutes, I went to get the mail and as I walked down the stairs, I noticed. The basket was gone. The whole basket.
I was pissed. As I stomped to our mailbox, I searched for the culprits—there were no children, or adults, in sight. I thought maybe a squirrel grabbed it? No, that basket was heavy. Only a human could grab the basket. I thought the two boys that first came were suspicious when they walked through our driveway. Maybe a neighbor grabbed it? No, none of our neighbors have kids. Why would they steal candy from their next-door neighbors? We were already suspicious of them, since a house plant was stolen from us before. They would risk it again. It was settled. The two boys stole our candy, and the fucking basket! Now, if they wanted all the candy they could’ve just taken it—but leave the damn basket! Just because I didn’t have a sign doesn’t mean you can steal our shit. People leave furniture and decorations on their porches all the time, and it never gets stolen. Why is Halloween the one night children can be little shits? I was angry, pacing back and forth, looking out the window, since I actually have to watch for children now that our basket was gone. By 7 p.m, we knew we were going to shut down and get takeout. However, while we were getting ready to leave, the doorbell rings.
I groan, put on a mask, grab a near-empty candy bag, and go out. On my porch I see a cute little girl with, I assume, her father standing behind her. I had to do it—I poured all the contents of the bag into hers. It wasn’t a lot, but if I was that kid, I would be crying in joy. They said thank you, and I told them to have a goodnight and that I hope they like Hershey’s, since that’s all I grabbed. I made a Facebook post about the stealing incident, and everyone agreed that it was rude. I don’t know if it was my bad neighborhood, kids growing up with no manners, or maybe I’m just a fool. But, I have learned to never trust children anymore—especially young boys. Next year, I will make sure to hand out candy myself, since our basket is gone forever. You may ask why am I so pissed about a basket? Well, it’s not my basket, it’s my mom’s. I remember her having it since I was a little kid, using it to hand out candy every year. I am devastated, knowing part of my childhood is gone forever. I’m sad because Red Robin was closed tonight. It was only 7:30! What restaurant is closed on Halloween at 7:30!? Today was supposed to be nice, but it only ended in disappointment. At least I got mac n’ cheese and ice cream. I didn’t even dress up, either! It’s official, 2020 ruined everything, including Halloween. Today’s lesson is: don’t trust children—they will take advantage of you, and stab you in the back. These kids will be lucky if they get any treats next year, except the sweet little girl, she can get as many candies as she wants, I trust her. Anyways, Happy Halloween, I hope y’all that partied get Covid. And if the kids that stole our candy basket are reading this, I hope you get cavities. Multiple cavities.