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Now, I am not a good competitive gamer. I only play Animal Crossing, Sims 4, and Stardew Valley. Games that don’t require you to kill someone and lie about it. Among Us is exactly that. Do your tasks if you are a crewmate, and figure out who is killing everyone. As an imposter, your job is to kill everyone before you get voted off. Now, I am not a good liar. As a child it was obvious that I was lying, and that is still accurate today. That is why I suck at Among Us. I can do the tasks just fine, but I suck at playing in teams. Whenever I am the imposter, our team usually loses. I try my best. I leave the killing to the other imposter while I just sabotage. When I do kill someone, I either get caught right away or I accidently throw myself under the bus. I have literally watched videos on how to be a good imposter, and either they weren’t helpful or I’m a lost cause. The game is fun to play either way, but I will never win as an Imposter. Maybe I need to train more, or watch videos on How to Lie. I try to remember where I am so there is no questioning my location when I am suspected, but that doesn’t work either. My friends also accuse me of being imposter before the game even begins, so thanks guys. Is it sexism? I don’t think so. I mean I am always the first to say to vote me off, since I will do my tasks either way. I think I just always dig myself into a hole. Maybe with the next update there will be more ways for me to win as an imposter without being a pathological liar.

Oh, and I’m always dark green. Worst color ever. I am usually the last to join the game so I am stuck with the terrible colors. Just once can I be a pretty color that isn’t reminiscent of shit or vomit? I just want to be purple or pink dammit. Also, I don’t know how to turn the lights off. I feel like if I knew how to do that, I would actually win for once. I know how to close doors, much to my friend’s dismay. At least I am attempting to win, y’all. Don’t worry, I will still play Among Us. I get extreme joy getting things done for others; I guess acts of service is my love language. That saying, if y’all accuse me of being imposter one more time I will lose my shit. I am innocent. It is very obvious when I am lying. Y’all just like killing.

If you are good at lying in Among Us, I will be concerned. Why are you so good at it? Are you actually a serial killer? If there is ever a real life Purge, I am running away from y’all. In conclusion, I suck. My teammates are good sports in even letting me play, because I am basically just a doormat. I fail at being evil—I only do good. Don’t worry, I will train. I will get my revenge. I will one day win. Y’all better watch out, because I am coming. 

Hannah Plitzner

UW Stout '23

I'm a college freshman going into Entertainment Design! I like movies, dogs, and drawing. My pronouns are she/her.
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