Relationships are hard. College can make them harder. Adding long-distance in the mix can make them harder still. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, three of which were long-distance. It has been one of the most challenging, and most strengthening aspects of our relationship. Here’s how we made it work:
Communication – The first year of college was the hardest for us, because he was travelling for work out of state a lot, and I didn’t have a car on campus my freshman year. When you go from seeing someone everyday for a year straight, to not seeing them for four whole months, it can put stress on your relationship. We’ve never been the couple that calls each other, but we make sure to text each other every day. I’ve always been very transparent of communicating how I’m feeling, especially when we would argue. Because let’s face it, every couple has fights. Bottling up emotions or biting your tongue during a fight doesn’t make things easier, most likely they’ll keep resurfacing and make your relationship more complicated. If you’re completely honest to your partner when you’re apart, you can make the most of your time when you are together, rather than fighting about something that happened a month ago.
Growing in our separation – I have a difficult time relying on other people, I’m just too independent, that’s why group projects are my nightmare. In a relationship, you end up being co-dependent on each other for love, support, intimacy, and as your relationship evolves, even financial stability. For me, college kind of put all that on hold, and allowed me to still be my own person, and not have my life revolve completely around one person, yet. I’ve got friends in LAX he’s never met, and he’s got some friends back home that I’ve never met. We’ve never been to each other’s place of work, and seldomly do we share a similar hobby. I guess it’s about giving each other space, not always feeling the need to be completely involved with someone’s life. You don’t need a joint bank account to be in love.
Enjoy your time together – Our favorite shared hobby is napping, so we spend a lot of our time just sleeping. I know that sounds lame, but when you find your person, falling asleep next to them, especially when you spend a lot of time apart, is one of the best feelings. Whatever it is you enjoy doing together, always make time for it when you can, because you don’t want to lose that connection, that shared joy of doing something together, from being apart. Make the reservation. Buy the movie tickets. Take the nap. It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re together.
Appreciate the little things – My boyfriend bought me a blanket for our prom night so that I wouldn’t be cold without a change of clothes at post-prom. I always have some kind of candy with me because I know he loves to steal it, but it’s never really stealing because I only have it for him. He buys me festive socks when I’m stressed because I love them. I really don’t know how to say it better than that – appreciate the little things – because those little things are everything.
Not every relationship can handle the stress of long-distance, but if you’re 100% committed and honest with your partner, your relationship could be even stronger from this experience – as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.