We’re taught that love is something you earn by being “fixed,” and healing gets framed as a prerequisite before dating. This idea comes from countless narratives about working on yourself before dating, and the belief that if you need support, you aren’t ready to support someone else. But that’s a huge misconception. With Valentine’s Day coming up, people start to believe they will never be lovable.
Let me make this clear: no one is ever fully healed. It’s completely normal to have struggles, and don’t believe for a second that you deserve isolation instead of connection. Being messy isn’t a bad thing, and wanting love in that state shouldn’t make you feel guilty. Everyone is worthy of love and deserves someone who can help them heal.
Here’s a reality check: healing isn’t meant to be solo or easy, and much of the growth actually happens within relationships. A relationship allows you to learn communication during hard conversations, build trust even when it feels difficult, and develop emotional regulation.
But love isn’t meant to fix you, and it’s still on you to make sure that while you’re in a relationship, you aren’t losing yourself or relying too much on the other person. You still have a responsibility, and being in a relationship can’t be a way to escape your problems. Nevertheless, love can be stabilizing, and being cared for while healing can make the process much smoother.
So, no one is worthless or incapable of love. To be in a relationship, you don’t need perfect confidence, a fully resolved past, or complete emotional stability. You can work on yourself and be loved at the same time because there is no final “healed version” that unlocks love.Love isn’t a reward at the end of healing; it can meet you exactly where you are now, and sometimes love is part of how healing happens.