You’re out at a party with some of your friends, and you’re a little drunk. You’ve been sipping a drink continuously through the night and your head is beginning to get a little foggy. You’re sitting on the couch surrounded by a group of people laughing about something someone said and the guy from your Spanish class sitting next to you is slowly but steadily moving closer. He’s been gently resting his arm on your waist for the past 15 minutes and you’re unsure of what to do. You’re not interested in him romantically, but it seems rude to move away. It’s not like he’s really coming on to you…
From the corner of your eye, you notice him motion to his friends and a few seconds later they get up to leave. You start scanning the room for your friends but it seems they’ve left the room too. You two are alone. To break the silence he starts asking if you’re having fun, what you’re drinking, who you came with. When he leans in to kiss you though, it doesn’t feel like a question. You pull away and laugh a little, trying to politely hint that you’re not interested, but he doesn’t seem to getting it because he isn’t stopping. You try to focus on pushing him off, but the room is starting to spin…
1 in 4. That is the number of college women that are sexually assaulted. It is the disturbing but honest reality in which we live, and it is too pressing of an issue to be ignored. The real conversation about ending this epidemic needs to be geared towards our men- the ones who are accountable for most of the astonishing statistics- but being that we are women who exist in a world where these things do happen, it is important to be cautious.
There are certain things to remember when you go out, especially when you’re drinking or are around people who are drinking. Make sure if you do chose to drink, you’re consuming an amount that is manageable and you’re staying in control of yourself. If you don’t know where a drink came from, don’t drink it. Keep an eye on your cup the whole night.
Make sure you know where your friends are at ALL times. Stay and leave with the people you came with, and don’t let them or you slip away at a party. It is important to know that trustworthy people are within reach and that you all are looking out for each other.
There are now apps for smart phones that can assist in these situations. “Companion” is a safety app designed by students for students, that focuses on features the creators thought students needed – including a first-of-its-kind alarm system that goes off on a user’s phone if the contacted friend (or friends) sense trouble. Once activated, your emergency contacts will have access to your location and will serve as a companion via your smart phone to walk home with. There is also “Circle of 6”, an app which makes it quick and easy to reach the 6 friends you choose. This enables friends to look out for each other and prevent dangerous situations from occurring, or if necessary, help friends get out of unwanted situations.
The last thing to remember is that when you have control in the situation, it is always okay to say no. Coercive sexual assault is just as much of an issue as sexual assault by physical force. Women in our society sometimes feel an obligation towards men if they think they have led them on in some way, or feel guilty and uncomfortable putting their foot down. These situations will naturally result in some level of discomfort, because being coerced into a sexual activity you don’t want to do is uncomfortable!
Amy Siskind, President of “The New Agenda”- an organization dedicated to improving the lives of women- wants us to know this:
“The most important thing I want to tell college women is that it’s okay to say no. Not every sexual encounter should end up leading to sex. Most often, a kiss is just a kiss. Empower yourself to say, “stop” or “no,” if you’re not sure or ready.”
We must continue to look out for each other and intervene if something doesn’t look right. Bystander intervention is one of the most effective ways to prevent a dangerous situation from occurring. It’s better to be wrong than to have not stepped in and left it to chance, so if you see something, say something.
If something does happen, it is important to remember that you are not at fault, you are not alone, and to report it. Tell a friend, a family member, a staff member, an RA, or if you’re comfortable, police services. There are endless support systems out there; you just have to take the initiative to reach out.
UVM Police Services: (802) 656-3473
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673)