The author of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert, made an appearance on Oprah to explain why we shouldn’t marry our soul mates.
Here’s the HuffPost article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/11/elizabeth-gilbert-soul-mates_n_5961864.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
To some, this might sound like blasphemy. Isn’t this what we’re all supposed to be searching for? However, if we pull apart some of her main points, it begins to make a lot more sense.
Claim 1: “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.”
Explanation: In other words, a soul mate is not necessarily your “perfect fit”. In fact, they might be quite opposite from you. They are thus able to show you a whole new perspective and guide you to completely new opportunities. You need this person in your life to show you what has been missing from your life all along.
Claim 2: “But you don’t understand what a soul mate is,'” Gilbert recalls her friend saying. “‘You think it’s all roses and happiness. A soul mate is somebody who changes you. And then, sometimes, they have to leave because the intensity of the relationship is so much that you can’t actually have [stability].'”
Explanation: After you meet your soul mate, you are changed forever. A relationship such as this is not conducive to any kind of stable environment: a home, kids, etc. However, the things you learn in this relationship will benefit you in the future. Your soul mate makes you a better person; which is the primary and most significant reason they come into your life, and also the reason they are meant to leave.
Claim 3: “Your partner is something else,” Gilbert says. “That’s your friend. My husband is my best friend. He’s not the mirror that holds up my flaws. He’s just the guy who’s like, ‘I think you’re terrific’… It’s just simple, showing up for each other.”
Explanation: The man you are supposed to marry is not necessarily your soul mate—they are your partner for life. Think about the synonyms of a partner: collaborator, comrade, teammate, fellow. In a long-term marriage, these are the qualities that will ultimately hold the relationship together. It’s a different kind of love that will last forever, and that is meant to stay forever—unlike that of a soul mate.
Though it may feel as though Gilbert is de-romanticizing the whole idea of marriage, I think she serves as a great example of someone who knows heartbreak, and who has bettered herself as a result (she has a book and a movie to prove it!) I therefore think her ideas about soul mates vs. partners are important notions to keep in mind. She is inviting us to not get bogged down when it comes to finding that “destined one and only” as we so often feel we must. Instead, she wants us to stay with the person that has proven themself to us, so much so that we trust them with the rest of our lives.
Of course, this is just one opinion amongst many; yet I think we can all agree upon one thing: healthy relationships are the best relationships–soul mate or not. So, if you are to take one thing away from Gilbert, let it be this!