Recently, my best friend Hannah sent me a seemingly average text that brought me to a shocking realization. It was six simple words, a sentence we’ve shared many times, but this time it hit me hard. She wrote, “Sorry to bring this up again.” Seems simple, right? We say this to each other all the time when discussing situations we’ve mulled over several times already, but this time it bothered me. Why should we be apologizing for talking about what’s bothering us? Why are we sorry for caring and expressing it?Â
As I pondered this question I came to the conclusion that we live in a society that shames the expression of any real emotions. Instead of honoring what we feel, we are taught to lock it away and put up a nonchalant front.Â
This stigma pressures us to place a time limit upon these emotions. It’s as if there’s a small window of time where it is considered “acceptable” to display any reaction to an experience, then after you’re expected to move along like nothing happened. After this time has passed, you’re expected to detach from the situation completely and give no indication it affected you in any way.
But the truth is, there is no statute of limitations to your feelings. It doesn’t matter if the situation happened three minutes, three months or three years ago- your feelings always were and will always be valid. Moving on and feeling nothing are not the same. Even if you’ve accepted and let something go, it is normal to hold space and care about something you yourself went through; it would honestly be concerning if you didn’t.
Putting up a front of detachment does nothing but disconnect you from fully undergoing the human experience. We are here to live, learn and experience! By refusing to embrace these aspects of yourself, you’re holding yourself back from truly living your life.
I know this is easier said than done. It’s daunting to break past this barrier, because feelings are MESSY. Feelings can be UGLY. More often than not they are COMPLICATED. But, they are what makes being human so beautiful. The complexity and depth of the feelings we experience every day are what put the LIVING in our lives.
So to my best friend Hannah, and anyone else there who finds themselves apologizing for saying what’s on their mind or reanalyzing a situation over and over again- thank you for caring. Thank you for having a heart and honoring it in a world that wants you to hide it. Don’t be sorry for being human.Â