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Sex + Relationships

How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Long Term Relationship

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

On Valentine’s Day, love is on everyone’s mind. Infatuation is something that can come in all forms whether you are thinking about a cute guy you met in Henderson’s, or a significant other you’ve been with for years. The feeling you get in the pit of your stomach — the smile that can’t leave your face — are all symptoms of attraction. While this feeling is common during the honeymoon phase, many people fear that it will fade over time. 

I can admit that I used to be one of these people. But, after being with my boyfriend for almost three years, I have discovered ways to keep things just as exciting as they were in the first few weeks of us dating. Whether you are talking to someone new or have been with your partner forever, it’s always important to remember that the chase is never over. Just because you got somebody doesn’t mean you should stop trying to get them. 

Fortunately, this doesn’t have to be a huge elaborate gesture. Rather, it can be little acts of kindness just to let the other person know you’re thinking of them. For example, my boyfriend’s favorite coffee is Speeder and Earl’s hazelnut with milk and sugar, so every once in a while I’ll surprise him with that in the morning. Even though it’s not much, it’s something that they will appreciate more than you think. Another thing that is important for keeping things interesting is making sure to have one real date every week or two. This doesn’t have to be a fancy steak dinner, but some kind of outing that switches it up from your normal routine. Some of my favorite easy dates are walks on North Beach, getting a creemee by the waterfront, skiing at Sugarbush, etc. These dates will help you learn more about your partner even if you think that you know everything there is to know. 

Lastly, even if this is difficult, I feel space is crucial to keeping the spark alive. While most people think that spending as much time together as possible is key to strengthening a relationship, taking some time apart can be very healthy for both people involved. Even though my boyfriend and I both ended up picking UVM coincidentally, many people were worried that it would be difficult for me to branch out and meet other people. Thankfully, this pushed me to create an independent life for myself with clubs, classes, and friends. There is some inevitable overlap between me and my boyfriend’s circles, but I’m grateful that, during the week, he and I still have things for ourselves. This space gives you time to miss the other person and catch up on everything that’s happened throughout the time you were apart. 

I’m no relationship expert, but these are the values I live by in my relationship and they’ve helped keep things exciting to this day. No matter what your relationship status is at the moment, these could be helpful tips to creating a healthy, long-lasting bond with your significant other.

— Molly Pogue

**Edited by Sierra Byrne

Hi my name is Molly Pogue and I'm a sophomore Public Communications major at UVM! Writing has always been a big part of my life and I'm so glad that I'm able to continue that with Her Campus!
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