Vogue’s recent opinion piece has sparked controversy online, but here’s the thing: depending on your feed and maybe even relationship status, you might not even know about it. If your feed is geared more towards being in your “single era,” like mine, then you’ll probably see a lot of videos celebrating the article. Meanwhile, if your feed has more relationship vibes, then you’ll probably see more videos saying, “Sorry, Vogue, you’re wrong.” But here’s what I’ve noticed: everyone seems to be fixating on the word “embarrassing” without even noticing what the article is trying to say.
The article isn’t saying relationships are outright embarrassing, boyfriend or otherwise. It’s noticing a change in narrative. Women aren’t defined by who they date anymore; our relationships don’t add or take away value from us, and they never should’ve. In our modern day and age we have begun to decenter men, and now it’s leaking into our perception of relationships.
Now if you’re like me and you’ve heard the term “decentering men” but aren’t 100% sure what it means, here it is. Decentering men sets out to undo the way we have been conditioned to center men in our thoughts, decisions, and self-worth, while also adjusting our lives around new beliefs and values. By decentering men, we have altered how we perceive relationships, which has ultimately led to more acceptance of being single. Now this isn’t to say that being in a relationship is a negative thing; it’s only to point out how being in a relationship shouldn’t be everything. It shouldn’t be an identity.
Regardless of what your relationship status is at the moment—single, dating, committed relationship, or somewhere in between it all. The point is to have individuality, outside of whatever sort of relationship you’re in, romantic or otherwise.