To my lovely daughters of Immigrants,
I am writing this article as a thank you letter for your resilience. It’s important to recognize how different growing up in an immigrant household is as opposed to an American household. For that, I want to show my appreciation to each and every one of you.
You were forced to grow up faster. From translating important documents into English to dealing with the unjust immigration process and standing by your parents as they work hard towards gaining their citizenship.
For the older sisters, you were put under loads of pressure. You were expected to get perfect grades, participate in every extracurricular activity, take care of your younger siblings, all while still trying to live life as a typical American child You didn’t get the help you needed on essays from your parents like your other classmates, but that didn’t stop you from helping out your siblings when they seeked help (thanks a bunch big sis <3).
Your childhood didn’t resemble that of your classmates. Instead of watching the Disney princess movies –a right of passage for six year old girls– and receiving visits from the tooth fairy, you were gifted with the culture your immigrant parents brought with them to the US. This included their recipes of home cooked meals infused with spices upon spices that you could never give up. Not having the same shared experiences with your classmates may have made you feel ashamed of yourself, especially during the era of public school (so all 12 years if we are being honest), where your only goal in life was to fit in.
Your household stigmatized mental health. Depression and anxiety couldn’t exist because YOU had the opportunity to grow up in America. With that, you easily invalidated your struggles. Knowing the obstacles your parents overcame to get you in the position you are in today made you believe that what you are going through did not “count” as a struggle.
Now, I am here to remind you to take care of yourself. You might hear these things often, or maybe not, but I encourage you to take this to heart. When you see the signs of your mental health deteriorating, focus on yourself. It is common for immigrant children to experience guilt from not living up to parental expectations, or to not showing enough appreciation for the things their parents have sacrificed to be here. It is so easy to forget about your own personal wellbeing.
But, you know what? Take a day off from school or work to improve your mental and physical health, and to also have a self-appreciation day, because you are kicking a** in life! You could have a self-care night: light a candle, put on a face mask, and journal. Or you could take yourself out on a date. Indulge in your favorite meal or spend the day at your safe space, whether that be a secret hammock spot or in the middle of the city where all of the action is. To your parents this idea of a day to yourself might sound selfish, but you know yourself best so, again, listen to your heart and mind and take that break when needed.
Since this is a HerCampus article, I am assuming you’re in college, so cheers to you! You have made it so incredibly far, and I truly applaud you for that. Continue exploring your passions, whether that’s conducting research with a professor you look up to or joining a new club for the fun of it (I’m a Computer Sciences and Data Sciences major, but I wanted to join a club unrelated to my major – so here I am now with no regrets!). Most importantly, don’t hesitate to reach out to your school’s CAPS (Counseling and Psychiatry Services) program if needed, especially if they offer cost-free services.
As Taylor Swift sings in Last Kiss, “so I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep.” Your parents may struggle to see you so far away, but couldn’t be any more proud of you. They’re your biggest supporters, with me coming in as a close second ;). Growing up with immigrant parents is challenging, and we should acknowledge that. I encourage you to transition from being too hard on yourself to cultivating self-love as a way to cope with the challenges.
With love and support always,
Abigail <3
**Edited by Paisley Broadhurst