As I write this article, I’m sitting in my room back home. My fingers clack on the keyboard, and my fan hums steadily. It’s 2:09 AM, and although it’s late, I’m not alone. My phone is propped up next to my laptop, displaying an image of my family friend on a FaceTime call. No, the call wasn’t scheduled in advance, and no, she doesn’t think it’s weird that I called her out of the blue.
How a Random Call Became a Friendship
I was in eighth grade when I got my first phone. I remember walking to class with a girl I had just talked to for the first time. Even though we’d only had one conversation, it felt natural to ask for her number. We ended up FaceTiming each other later that week, even though we barely knew each other. Five years have passed, and this girl, Valerie, is now one of my best friends. When I tell others the story about how Val and I became friends, they always laugh. “Why’d you ask for her number right away?” they ask. “Why call so soon instead of just texting?” is a question I hear a lot. To be honest, I didn’t even realize calling a new friend was something you had to earn. That you have to go through a hierarchy that starts with occasional messages and ends with being comfortable enough to send a “Can I call you?” text. But why wait to schedule a call, and why schedule one in the first place?
Why are we so afraid to just call?
I’m a firm believer in cold calling, which may be a sales term, but it’s a pretty fitting description for calling someone with no warning. It’s an act deemed “socially unusual” because we fear overstepping boundaries. What if I’m bothering them? What if we aren’t “on that level” of friendship? Who cares? We’re so afraid of seeming too close to someone, even though calling is one great way to get closer. All my close friends are people I wasn’t close to at the time, but decided to call one random night. I had thought about them, and I wanted them to know that.
The Intimacy of a phone call
I thought more deeply about why people don’t immediately embrace the idea of calling. It’s because calls are much more affectionate and intimate than texts. On a call, you can hear someone’s voice and see their facial expressions. Conversations aren’t carefully composed—they’re allowed to wander and develop into deeper discussions. My love for FaceTime occupies a big space in my heart. Interactions on there don’t have to be just verbal. When I FaceTime Val, we’re usually just doing our own thing. I’ll be studying in my dorm at UVA while she’s getting ready to go to a club meeting at GW. Yes, we’re draining our phones’ batteries, but we don’t feel pressure to break our comfortable silence. You can’t experience this type of intimacy over text.
Staying close from far away
After moving in and starting college, I make sure to cold call at least one friend a day. Calling doesn’t just create closeness, but it also preserves it. I was used to seeing the people I love every day, but suddenly we’re in different cities, living completely different lives in different colleges. Just the thought of these connections quietly disappearing makes me feel sick. This panic goes away when I hear their voices and laughter on my phone. Sounds I wouldn’t have heard if I hadn’t reached out, or if I had just texted.
Just call them
So, call your friends on your walk to class. Call while you’re in the middle of getting ready. Just call whenever you’re thinking about someone, no matter how close you two may or may not be. Being the first to reach out has never been and never will be a bad thing.