Pride is a funny thing. Pride will stop you from apologizing to the person you love for the hurtful words that you allowed to pierce their flesh like shards of glass. Pride will stop you from being the first to utter the words “I love you” because if you do, you’ll inevitably lose the unspoken Cold War that’s been waged with your significant other. That’s why pride has no place in a relationship if that relationship is going to survive the tests of time. A relationship is not a competition to be won or lost, it is an investment. But if that’s the case, why do so many of us forget that when someone “wins” in a relationship, no one truly wins? A relationship is not a competition. It cannot be won or lost. It is an investment of time and sacrifice and honesty.
Being honest and being weak are not synonymous. In fact, being honest − especially being honest when it comes to your feelings − makes you stronger than you could ever imagine. Having the courage to tell someone when they’ve hurt you or angered you or betrayed you is a strength that many of us can only hope to one day possess. Showing that you care is not a sign of weakness.
So why is it that our generation thinks that if we pretend not to care, that somehow makes us cool?
I recently read an article that claimed the “hook-up culture” has made showing that you care a sign of weakness. Although I found myself agreeing with some of the article’s ideas, I do not believe it presented many accurate insights into the ways that millennials view relationships. I guess the main reason for this is the fact that I’ve never believed in the existence of any such thing as a hook-up culture. To this end, I don’t think it is fair to say the hook-up culture is to blame for relationships being viewed as a competition. Personally, I blame that silly little thing called pride. It’s almost as if we go into relationships with the same immature mentality: whoever cares less wins. Perhaps pretending to not care is a push for power and control in the relationship. Or possibly, some of us can rationalize not caring by equating a lack of feelings to less chance of being hurt if something goes wrong. Or perhaps we 20-somethings want to be in relationships, without understanding how much of a commitment a relationship is if it’s going to stand the test of time. And maybe we’re just so prideful that we can’t admit to ourselves or anyone else that we don’t always understand what it means to be in a mature relationship.
I think it’s time we take a step back and consider the idea that maybe we don’t always know what we’re doing, and we aren’t as grown up as we like to think we are. It’s okay to not have a solution to every problem. It’s okay to admit that you care. And it’s okay to fear rejection or disappointment. But as difficult as it might be, it’s important to be honest with ourselves and with our significant others. Because at the end of the day, that’s what will keep any relationship going strong and help you maintain your sanity.