Bonding with New Friends
Forming new relationships with people in college, especially coming from out of state, has been a unique experience. We have absolutely no knowledge of each other’s pasts, no pre-existing opinions on each other, and no shared memories. We are essentially complete strangers who were thrown together one day and pressured to become friends quickly. But how do you do that when you come from completely different backgrounds and know nothing about each other?
One of the ways my new friends and I have best bonded quickly in college is through telling stories from our pasts, specifically those memories hidden deep within our childhoods. We had a conversation on the floor of one of my friend’s dorm rooms the other night, where another one of my friends asked us to tell the story of our first-ever memory. Although I feel like this is a rather common question, I had never seriously pondered it before. It led me to think hard about some of my oldest memories; ones of Christmases at my grandparents’ old house, of fighting with my older brother, and of making crafts at pre-school. Upon sharing these stories with each other, we discovered that many of our first ever memories were shockingly similar.Â
We enjoyed the same TV shows, played the same games at recess, and even dressed in the same costumes for Halloween. Obviously, we had no knowledge of each other’s existence back then, but by sharing and relating to these stories from our pasts, it felt like we had been connected for much longer than we had actually known each other. This singular conversation was monumental in the development of our friendship; we no longer felt like new friends in the process of getting to know each other, but like old friends with a rich and connected past.
Thinking About My Past
While this conversation initiated a new chapter in the development of my friends and my relationship in college, it also led me to recall certain moments or characteristics of my childhood that I had long forgotten. I was reminded of the endless times I would become so shy or embarrassed out of nowhere as a young kid that I would hide from everyone and refuse to talk. I remembered entire days that my older brother and I would dedicate to filming ridiculous iMovies with the most incoherent and nonsensical plots imaginable. I was also reminded of specific shows and movies that I had been obsessed with, which I hadn’t thought about in years.
All of these newfound memories allowed me to reflect on myself and how I have grown (or not grown) over the years. Although I don’t run away from people anymore or hide when I am overwhelmed or uncomfortable, I recognize how this trait was probably an early representation of the social anxiety and insecurities that I face while in large group settings today. The hours my brother and I would spend filming these videos reminded me of how I have always had a love for humor and making others laugh, especially in the most random ways. Finally, I realized how the beloved shows I was reminded of (like Word Girl and Super Why!) had a great influence on the development of my personality, interests, and goals throughout my childhood.Â
Ask Your Friends!
I never expected one seemingly insignificant conversation with my friends to have such a profound impact not only on the strength of our friendship, but also on my understanding of myself. I encourage any other first-year college students currently making or developing friendships at school to ask each other about some of their first memories as kids. You may find that you relate to each other more than you thought, and you may even gain a greater understanding of yourself and your development as a person.