We must answer the question of the hour: “What’s there to do in Woodbridge, Virginia?” And to that, I say: you hop on the highway and go to D.C.
Ah, I’m pulling your leg (kind of). One of the best, and only, things to do past 10 p.m. is go to the movies! My brother and I had our routine down to a tee: we’d arrive 10 minutes late to avoid the ads, grab the largest size of popcorn, I’d get a Diet Soda, and we’d sit down to enjoy our movie.
This summer, Hollywood had us in there like a revolving door. I swear, it felt like every two seconds there was a new movie. BAM! Spider-Man. BOOM! The Odyssey. SPLAT! Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass.
Stick around to hear my opinions on said films, featuring my Letterboxd reviews (plug, plug).
SPOILERS
Spoilers! Spoilers! Oh my god, so many spoilers…don’t look! Unless you’re so chill and don’t really care about modern media like that, which, like me too. Totally. For sure.
The Odyssey
“A true adventure movie through and through. From the visuals to the story telling to the performances, 10/10. Only one negative, tldr: didn’t know it was a 3 hour movie, raw dogged it, almost pissed myself.” – 5 stars
I still stand by this review, from someone who has zero clue about greek mythology, this was an enticing adventure that kept me at the edge of my seat. I will say, I will have to notch it down a star, just for the lack of female characters shown. If we’re going to be honest, the main selling points were: it’s a Christopher Nolan movie and that Zendaya, Anne Hathaway, and Lupita Nyong’o were main characters. But to my chagrin, I saw each person for a total of 10 minutes (I’m being generous) in a three hour movie. They were integral to the plot, yet they weren’t given the time to show how important they were.
Spider-Man: Brand New Day
“Juicy track suit sales 📈 📈📈📈” – 4.5 stars
I mean it’s a Spider-Man movie, of course I liked it. Peter Parker is just darling, and you can’t help but sympathize and empathize with the loss of his friends and family. When they started playing a Bad Bunny song, it felt like I was a sleeper agent and I had come back to consciousness.
The only thing that I wish they would have done is include more information about Jean Gray. Was she right to be angry for them taking her sister, yes. Was she right to put innocent civilians in danger for the sake of… walking faster? Nope. We didn’t get to know her, a singular flashback with a vague mention of an absent mother and a kidnapping is not enough for an audience to brush everything she did under the rug.
The Invite
“This movie feels like you’re fifth wheeling with the worst couples you know, but you’re too high and frozen in fear to say anything.” – 3 stars
This was the worst case of secondhand embarrassment I’ve ever experienced from watching a movie. The first half of the movie is filled with awkward and very realistic arguments that make you squirm in your seat and think, “Damn, I should give them a sec.” In the second half, it was the perfect combination of scandalous and humorous, with every relationship shown unraveling before you.
Did I feel like they were laying it on thick with the wound-up perfectionist wife and the laid-back, aloof husband? Yes. It honestly became irritating to watch them bicker in such a Hollywood-dysfunctional way.
Also, Seth Rogen is one of those actors who just plays himself in movies. Kind of like Pete Davidson, Jennifer Coolidge, Prince, etc. I’m really neutral about this, but it’s hard to stay in the moment when I’m thinking to myself, “Whoa, Seth Rogen is really having a hard time.”
Obsession
“left the movies checking over my shoulder every 2 damn seconds 10/10 horrifying.” – 4.5 stars
This was one of the first movies in a while that truly terrified me. A woman who’s possessed and doing some possessed shit? I can forgive that. A man who had multiple chances to help said woman, only to come to the conclusion that he won’t help because… well, why wouldn’t you just love him? He’s just a guy in love, right, you guys? Ugh, nice guys have it soooo hard.
If I had access to a trapdoor to hell, I would pull the lever for Bear.
One thing that drove me insane in the movie was how complacent everyone was as they watched her descent into madness. It got to a point where it felt like a massive plot hole. Why wouldn’t one of the five co-workers reach out to see if she was doing all right? When Nicki was bleeding from her self-injuries, why did they think Bear was the guy to drive her? Not a single friend, sibling, parent, neighbor, or, shit dude, situationship thought of checking up on her? Even the people who were “concerned” talked through Bear. If I planted an orange tree, would I expect an apple harvest tomorrow? NO! If he’s not checking up on her now, why would he lock in now?
Overall, amazing movie, but damn, everyone has GOT to lock in.
Toy Story 5
“I ♥️ my iPad” – 4.5 stars
Listen, it was a slow week.
I thought this movie did a solid job of showing how technology is affecting youth in both positive and negative ways. It can definitely be used for good with the right monitoring!!! I took 0.5 off the score because, at the end of the day, it is a kids’ movie, and I’m not the target audience.
And they lived happily ever after…
I have so many more movie reviews that you should definitely check out on my Letterboxd account (dsm9 plug, plug). This summer has been THE summer to go to the movie theaters. As Nicole Kidman said, we come here to live, laugh, love or something like that.