How to Survive UVA’s Yik Yak

You may have heard giggling in the bathroom stall next to you, or seen students showing each other their phones in lecture halls. You may have watched kids walking away from Mrs. Kathy or the dumpling line furiously typing on their phones.

UVA is caught up in the Yik Yak craze that is sweeping procrastinating college students across America. Essentially it is an anonymous Twitter feed based on your geographic location, so it’s the perfect app for college campuses where news can spread like wildfire and iPhones chirp in 99% of students’ pockets.

Already the craze has driven many a first year to the dumpster to ditch liquor in the face of ominous “ABC dorm raid” rumors. It’s led to a hive-mind culture in which all of the student body can insult cargo shorts and lanyards, praise Mrs. Kathy, complain about dining hall sickness… and simultaneously receive gratification in the form of upvotes and downvotes.

And now, finally, a guide on how to traverse this ruthless form of social media and escape with your life- and a high Yakarma score.

1.        Be bitter about every girly trend… “With every round of applause, if you listen closely you can hear the jingle of a thousand Alex and Ani bracelets #hoosgotyourback”

2.        Praise not only the beauty of Grounds, but make sure you mention how hot all the students are… “Coming here from an all guys school is equivalent to moving to the upper east side from Guatemala”

3.        Be an alcoholic (or at least one for social media purposes) “You know you’re in a college town when you go to a grocery store and find the soda under a sign that says mixers” and one yak from “Drunky the Bear: Only you can prevent sobriety”

4.        Make sure to mention all your disgusting potty issues… “lada dee lada da lada da peeing in the shower” (incorporating pop songs is helpful)

5.        Hate the dining hall in a kind-spirited way… “Overheard at O’Hill brunch: ‘Wait Gatorade’s not supposed to have pulp in it”

6.        LOVE YOUR SCHOOL! “Just walked outside at 1:05 am and someone told me good morning, I freaking love UVA man”

• UVA
• yik yak