I think it is truly time to dig into the post-Covid effects that cancel culture has had on society. Aside from cancel culture itself being the most online form of criticism, I have seen similarities in the lack of forgiveness and expectations for everyone to be perfect making its way into many female friendships. In this article, I explore both topics and my theory on how they interconnect!
what is cancel culture?
Cancel culture is in simple terms the act of “cancelling” someone or widespread criticism and removal of a person from a platform if they did something controversial or offensive. This could include a social media figure having said a derogatory slur, being exposed for this, and people taking effort to let their school or employers know but often includes offensive matters much less serious than this. Often, people will dislike someone and go scavenge the Internet to find something controversial so that they can “cancel” them. Cancel culture has serious impacts on the emotional and even physical safety of those that it targets. An illustrative example of the impact of cancel culture was Yulissa from Love Island getting booted from the show within the first two episode after it was exposed that she had used the n word on multiple occasions. Following that precedent, Cierra was booted later that season for her previous use of the c slur. These examples showcase the real-life impact of cancel culture on society outside of the Internet.
My criticism of cancel culture
I am all for holding people accountable for things that do that are offensive, racist, or harmful to others. I think it is symbolic of the progress society has made that there are real and tangible consequences for using hateful speech however, this comes at some limitation. Scouring the Internet to find one mistake someone made years ago and using that as justification to cancel someone to the point where they could lose their jobs and position at school is completely out of hand. Everyone is not perfect and I promise you that anyone who has ever tried to cancel someone has done something that could easily be grounds for their cancelling as well. Holding people accountable and requiring an apology is great but, holding something someone did over their heads for their entire life even if they have done everything they could do to apologize and make amends is backwards allows for no potential for growth. My biggest critique is that most of the time, people don’t even care about the offensive act they’re cancelling for. Racist, homophobic, or other offensive acts are weaponized to the point that attention to these issues are diminished. For the most part, people don’t care about the act itself but are just happy with the controversy and drama.
So how does this relate to friendship?
Cancel culture instills in people the false perception that everyone should be perfect humans that have never said or did anything that could offend anyone in their lives. Not only is this unrealistic but, it enables people to carry this perception to their friends. I have noticed many people “dropping” or “cutting off” their friends if they get into one disagreement or do one thing that they dislike. This has led to many surface level friendships contingent on never having disagreed with each other. If you can’t disagree with a friend and be mature enough to work through it, then that is not your friend! Disagreeing with people and still being able to communicate being upset is very important even outside of friendships. Though targeted algorithms that only show people what it knows aligns with their opinions, social media gives people the false perception that everyone thinks as they do and they are always right. When people finally put the phone down and interact with others in real life, they find that this is actually not true.
takeaways
On social media and within friendships and personal relationships, it is extremely important to give others grace and forgiveness. The fundamental attribution error is the tendency for people to underestimate external factors (eg. your friend is having a bad day or going through family issues) when it comes to explaining others’ actions while overestimating internal factors (eg. your friend is mean and hates you). It’s important to understand these biases and take a step back to not perceive everything as personal. I have had many arguments with some of my best friends and it has only made our friendships stronger. Next time you’re mad at your friend, remember to give them as much grace as you gave that man! To those in your inner circle and beyond, I implore you to practice empathy, be communicative, and give them the understanding you would want them to give you.