He’s Just Not That Into You,written by former writers for Sex and the City Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, is a novel about understanding relationships. Its’ theory is simple: Men are not quite as complicated as we think, and there are easy ways to understand if they are or are not interested. Women tend to overcomplicate things and think, “Well he’s just this way”, “He’s really busy”, or “I’m an exception to the rule". Not to mention how easy this becomes in college, where alcohol and frat stars are added to the mix and there are no rules any more. However, we owe it to ourselves to stop creating excuses and be strong enough to face the facts. While pop culture does nothing,but promote these hopeful wishes and dreams that men might actually be into us when they are not, it’s time we take a stand and embrace the truth. Besides do you really want to be that girl? Life is too short to waste time on men who are not into us, so why not become your own Sasha Fierce and spend time focusing on relationships that will work, versus ones that are just better to let go.
Here are some simple ways to understand men better, and move on so you can continue being the strong and fierce version of yourself versus the mope-y “Why won’t he text me back” version of yourself no one wants to be.
He’s Just Not That Into You If…
1. He only texts you past midnight (and only on the weekends)
This is an easy one. Ladies, if he’s only texting you past midnight this clearly means he is drunk and is just looking for some late night booty call fun. That’s fine if you’re okay with that situation and want to keep it this way, but if you are looking for something more, than this is an obvious sign it’s not going to progress. If he’s only communicating with you when he’s drunk it means he’s just looking for a hookup. If he were really into you he would text you sober during the day to ask you how your day is, or what is new in your life as opposed to sloppy misspelled texts at 2 am like “come over now”. If a guy likes you, he will make the effort to communicate with you sober during the day. Know that and believe that. If he likes you, he WILL text you.
2. He takes other girls to date functions
Again, pretty obvious. You might have taken him to a date function or two, but if he isn’t inviting you to his own date functions it clearly means he’s interested in other people. If he were really into you, he’d only be inviting you to these functions. Also, why would you ever want to be with a guy who is taking other girls to show off to his friends? If you really were important to him he would only want to take you. End of story.
3. He has a girlfriend "back home"
This one can be tricky, especially in college where many guys still have “open relationships” with former high school girlfriends from home. Nonetheless, if he continues to show interest with you, but doesn’t get rid of the girlfriend—major red flag. If he was really interested in you, he would tell the girlfriend back home that things are done between them and he’s moved on. Unless he’s willing to end things with the girl back home, do yourself a favor and get out now before you come back from Thanksgiving Break and learn that your boyfriend was with his girlfriend the entire time and that’s why he wasn’t texting you. You are hot stuff, and you deserve for your guy to focus only on you without any distractions or temptations from a former flame. And if he can’t make up his mind, or tries to justify him continuing things with his former flame, then you can say goodbye and wait for that wonderful, even more attractive guy who won’t have the unwanted baggage of a still present ex-gf and will only want to be with you.
4. He doesn't respond to your text messages (or better you are always the one to text first)
I know texting can be somewhat like tennis. No one wants to be double texting or always initiating the conversation. There needs to be a fair balance of who is reaching out to the other first. If he isn’t responding to your text messages at all though, without any follow up explaining that his phone was malfunctioning or was lost, then don’t waste your time on him. If you are always beginning the conversation, STOP. IF a guy really likes you he will text you. Even if he isn’t a huge texter he will reach out and text you something or send a smoke signal, carrier pigeon, or find some way to say “hi”. So next time when you’re drunk, don’t let that get the best of you and allow yourself to make a fool of yourself. No one ever wants to realize the next morning you’ve triple texted him ridiculous things without any response from him. Don’t try and justify it, just be the better person and shut off your phone. Even better, delete his number and make room for the guy’s number you get later that night who actually wants to talk to you, and will initiate it!
5. He doesn't friend you on Facebook
If he has a Facebook and hasn’t accepted you as a friend, has blocked you, or deleted you, then you have no business talking to this guy. We all have “friends” on Facebook who we don’t even know, so if he can’t even friend you, who says he is anywhere close to having any sort of relationship, or at least friendship, with you in the real world?! If he doesn’t have a Facebook at all, then that’s different. However, is he isn’t friending you something’s up and you deserve better than to wait around making up excuses as to why he can’t friend you. This is a major sign that nothing is going to continue with this guy. You are better than this, so stop checking Facebook every 5 minutes when you really should be living your own life so you can find the guy who can be friends with you on Facebook…and maybe more in real life.
Bottom line: If he’s doing any of the above things…then he’s just not that into you.
As girls we try to make things complicated and get upset when anyone turns us down. While this is understandable, there has got to be a better solution than being sad all the time, making up excuses, and making no progress in our love lives. I know we’ve all been there, but we’ve got to accept the facts and move on. Do yourself a favor and recognize that sometimes he’s just not that into you. Repeat the phrase “he’s just not that into me” and move on, because how will you ever find Prince Charming if you’re stuck wasting your time with Mr. Wrong? Take charge of your life and stop being that girl, and start being the girl others wish they could be. You can make it happen, and it all starts with this enlightenment. Keep on being fierce and badass, and just focus on being the best version of yourself possible. Be confident and strong enough to know you deserve better. You are hot stuff and you will find the perfect guy one day, but until then focus on you and live your most fabulous life!