“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” That’s one of my favorite quotes from Abraham Lincoln. And if Honest Abe said it, then you really can’t argue with it. And who would want to? Wouldn’t you rather know that you can be happy simply by an act of will than allow your emotions to hang on outside events? Yet, by the way most of us behave it seems like we prefer the latter.
Let me explain. How many times have you said something like, “If I don’t get this internship I’m going to cry,” or, “If he doesn’t text me tonight, it’s going to be the worst night ever.” Basically, you’ve just told yourself that your happiness depends on external events that you can’t fully control. And if they don’t work out, well, then you’ve just set yourself up for a night of tears, chocolate, and The Notebook.
I’ve got hope for you, though. It’s really easy to change the way you think. Here are three ways that have been backed up by psychologists for decades.
Force yourself to smile
If it sounds too corny, it’s not. Even the early psychologists, William James and Carl Lange, realized that simply mimicking the body’s emotional reactions could change your mood. In other words, even a forced smile will signal to your body that you’re happy. Tell yourself you’re going to make eye contact and smile with one person every hour for an entire day and you’ll be in a good mood in no time.
Talk to yourself
Okay, obviously don’t talk to yourself out loud, but the habits you form while thinking to yourself can have powerful effects on your mood. In a Psychology Today article, Margaret Moore, life coach at Harvard Medical School, stresses the importance of examining your habits of speech. Something as simple as saying, “Sorry, I’m so dumb,” after you’ve made a mistake in front of someone, will subconsciously influence your self-esteem. Instead, make a conscious effort to show yourself a little love. When you look in the mirror in the morning, instead of looking for your flaws, compliment yourself on your favorite features. When you’re falling asleep at night, look back at your day and find an action you’re proud to have done.
Stay away from “if-then” statements
“I studied so hard that if I don’t get an A on this test, my life is ruined.” Yeah, don’t say that. Instead, think, “Whatever grade I get, I know I’ve tried my best.” Rather than determining the way you’re going to feel based on things beyond your control, recognize that you can be happy no matter what happens around you. It’s like Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
I’m not saying that simply by smiling and thinking positively you will never experience a tragedy or panic in the face of disaster. What I am saying is that you’re a lot more in control of yourself than you think. And I’ve got Abraham Lincoln to back me up.
Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-changes/200908/how-do-you-spot-negative-self-talk