TW: sexual assault, rape, trauma, mental illness
First off, I want to say that I am so sorry for anyone reading this who has been affected by sexual assault/violence. On college campuses, sexual assault and rape are topics that affect many silent survivors yet are discussed and advocated by few. So many women I know and love have been affected by sexual assault. Yet, so many women suffer in silence because they are afraid of what peers might say or do in reaction to knowing this sensitive information. Many survivors fear that if they tell a friend about what happened, they may treat them differently, with pity or judgment, or even worse — they fear that friends won’t believe them.
I have talked to many men about sexual assault, particularly men in social fraternities on grounds. Men often claim that sexual assault is abhorrent and unacceptable, yet they regularly make excuses for the men in their lives that have sexually assaulted women. They claim that it must have been a “misunderstanding”, that “he would never do that”. Women can be apart of the problem too when they enable men in their lives that have been accused of sexual assault. If there is any doubt whether a sexual encounter was or was not consensual, then it clearly was not — sex should be a positive experience for both parties involved.
The only way to stop the culture of sexual assault on grounds is to hold your peers accountable for their behavior and look out for your friends. The majority of sexual assaults on college campuses involve alcohol. Making sure your friends get home safe after a night of drinking is more than making sure they don’t get assaulted by some boogie man on the streets — often, perpetrators of sexual assault are people that the victim knew, loved, or trusted. A victim’s decision to report what has happened to them does not indicate whether or not what happened to them was ~actually~ sexual assault. So many college students ignorantly think that if a woman has not reported her situation to the police or title ix office, what happened wasn’t really sexual assault. I am here to say that we should always believe victims first. If they haven’t reported what happened it probably has more to do with discomfort about discussing the subject, privacy, or lack of evidence. Similarly, women that have reported sexual assault and failed to have their perpetrator punished are not lying — they most likely did not have enough evidence to prove that what happened was assault. UVA has a horrible track record for dealing with sexual assault allegations, so we shouldn’t blame victims for being scared of such a difficult, long process that often leaves perpetrators off the hook for their actions.
If your friend was injured in a car accident after being hit by another car, you wouldn’t harass them about whether or not they allowed that to happen to them or if they brought the situation onto themselves. You would comfort them unconditionally regardless of the details of the situation. Sexual assault victims deserve the same level of respect that is granted to victims of other traumatic events.
I know there is a lot of stigma surrounding the discussion of sexual assault, but I believe that awareness is crucial as a culture of silence leads to minimization of the issue. Sexual assault plagues college campuses and wears heavy on the hearts of many women. Knowing what resources are available to you is very helpful for your own wellbeing and in supporting friends who may be struggling with difficult circumstances.
I want to share some resources and advice that have been helpful in hopes that I can help educate others and make other survivors feel less lonely in their experiences.
RESOURCES FOR THOSE IN IMMEDIATE CRISIS
UVA Emergency Room
If you have experienced sexual assault, you can go to the emergency room to receive a medical examination and get forensic evidence of the assault (DNA swabs, photographs of injuries, etc.). Please note that you do not have to report to the police or school if you choose to go to the hospital, even if you have evidence recorded. Forensic evidence is stored for 2 years, and can be opened if you decide to file a report.
You can also choose to schedule a follow-up with Student Health for a physical/wellness exam after sexual assault. This option is available to you regardless of whether or not you choose to report what happened.
SARA Hotline
The Sexual Assault Resource Agency (SARA) hotline (866-663-6482) is a good resource to call if you have urgent confidential questions or concerns.
Contact the Dean on Call or your Association Dean for urgent academic accommodations.
For short-term academic accommodations (for instance, delaying a midterm date or project deadline within 48 hours) contact your association dean or the dean on call to ask them to send a letter notifying your professors of your extenuating circumstances. For long-term accommodations, schedule an appointment with SDAC (Student Disability Access Center). Please note that this is a non-confidential resource, so if you don’t wish to have the staff member file a title ix report, you can opt to provide vague information. They want to help you regardless.
RESOURCES FOR THERAPY/MEDICATION MANAGEMENT
Sexual assault is an incredibly difficult traumatic event to process. Even well-intentioned friends and family might say the wrong things because they don’t know how to support you. There is no shame in seeking professional help.
The Women’s Center
The Women’s Center has a wonderful team of trauma therapists that are specially trained to assist sexual assault survivors. You can call their front desk to request an appointment.
SARA
SARA offers trauma-informed therapy for sexual assault survivors. You can request an appointment on their website.
CAPS
Counseling & Psychological Services (CAPS) is a convenient way to consult with a professional if medication is necessary to treat any mental health conditions a person may be suffering from as a result of trauma. PTSD, depression, and substance abuse are common in survivors.
RESOURCES FOR ACADEMIC ACCOMMODATIONS
Student Disability Access Center (SDAC)
The Student Disability Access Center (SDAC) provides support for sexual assault survivors by giving them academic accommodations if necessary. The effects of trauma can seep into every aspect of your college experience, so if you need extra testing time or modification of deadlines because you are struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
Ask your professors for the support you need
The greatest lesson I have learned in my experience of continuing my education after a traumatic event is that you really do have to be your own biggest advocate. While some of my professors have been less helpful, others have gone above and beyond to ensure I can succeed. Ask your professors if they can find a tutor for you or meet with you 1:1 if you feel you are falling behind in class.
RESOURCES FOR FEELING LESS ALONE
The Women’s Center SA Support Groups
The Women’s Center facilitates support groups of sexual assault survivors. I found this to be incredibly helpful hearing about the struggles and triumphs of others dealing with the same issues I was. These groups also provide confidential outlets to discuss struggles specific to those of sexual assault victims.
GENERAL ADVICE
Identify friends and family that can best support you and accept that they are not perfect.
Negative reactions and comments made by family and friends can be very difficult for survivors to process in their recovery. Remember that other peoples’ reaction to what happened is not a reflection of you, but rather a reflection of what they can tolerate. People that love you sometimes will deny or minimize your experiences because it is too upsetting for them to accept that you have been hurt in such a severe way. Try and identify which people in your support system can best support you. Telling someone you trust about what happened can make you feel less alone in your experience. You — and you alone — know what is best for you. It is your choice whether or not to disclose information to others.
Be proactive and honest in addressing mental illness.
PTSD in women is a subject that is rarely talked about despite its prevalence amongst sexual assault survivors. Acknowledging that the intense feelings and phenomena you are experiencing are part of a syndrome of symptoms in response to trauma can make you feel less alone in your experience. Something I really struggle with is the idea that I am fundamentally different from my peers that have not experienced trauma, that I am “damaged”. I have to remind myself everyday that the trauma that haunts me is unbeknownst to most people that interact with me, and this feeling of difference is self-implemented.
Everyone should know the symptoms of PTSD — if not for their own health, to be able to recognize these symptoms in peers that are struggling. Common symptoms are:
- arousal symptoms (being easily frightened, feeling on edge, insomnia and other sleeping problems, trouble concentrating, extreme feelings of shame)
- negative changes in mood (depression, anxiety, restlessness, memory problems)
- avoidance of the traumatic event (avoiding people, places, or subjects that stir up emotions related to the trauma, substance use issues are common coping mechanisms in survivors)
- intrusive memories (thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, hallucinations, etc.)
Write down what you remember as memories return to you.
Unfortunately, trauma often impacts our ability to remember and process events. Write down in a journal what you remember about what happened for your own sanity. Accept that you might not know everything but trust your gut. Writing everything down is also helpful if you plan to pursue reporting in the future. I have spoken with many survivors that wish they did this because their perception of what happened was so fragile and easily warped by the words and opinions of others.
Don’t feel guilty for not being the perfect student, friend, daughter, classmate, etc.
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Do what you need to do to prioritize your mental health and recovery. If you are struggling, it is perfectly reasonable to reduce your workload, social schedule, etc. to take time for yourself.