Not all relationship advice is good advice, especially when it comes from an app where everyone tries to make it seem that relationships are all black and white. While some advice can be helpful, remember it’s easy to get caught up in what is right and wrong, just remember to take this advice with a grain of salt. Especially from people who act like experts and try to manipulate definitions of words to fit their narrative.
First and foremost, you have to remember that everyone’s relationship has different boundaries and how they function as a couple. In case you haven’t seen this type of “advice” on your FYP, it consists of very negative information, being presented as being “truthful” or “realistic” about relationships. It can lead to overthinking, which is damaging to yourself, and can lead to harm in your relationship.
It also comes across as trying to one-up someone else’s relationship by saying what they do personally is “healthier”. They make unnecessary details define a relationship. One example I saw recently was people trying to say that if you sit across from your partner in restaurants, that you aren’t a friendly couple and that you don’t like each other, because healthy couples sit next to each other. In reality, it’s just a preference in seating.
The Negative effects
People have said they have started clicking not interested in these advice videos because of how toxic they have become. Specifically from other women who have no idea how a real healthy relationship works and project their problems onto women who are in happy relationships. Most of the time it’s unsolicited comments about one person in the relationship.
It also leads to confusion about what’s acceptable in a relationship or what’s considered “normal.” Making it hard for people to recognize actual problems to look for when in a relationship.
the misogynistic standpoint
Men are even worse, particularly on social media. They will spew logic that makes no sense and viciously attack women when they see she’s with a man who treats her with respect and vice versa. They go into the comments telling young boys to never treat women like this because they always end up “leaving” in the end. Or, that she’s just using him because she’s a “gold digger”. They portray that relationships are not a partnership with women, but ownership of women, and this viewpoint is extremely degrading.
About a week ago, I saw a woman post about how she and her husband were so excited to get married that they decided to get married a month after their engagement. Now to me, it made perfect sense. Unfortunately, not everyone would agree, and started calling her husband a narcissist who was trying to trap her because they dated for only a month. The woman clarified that she and her husband had been together for 2 years prior, and that the engagement was only a month long. However, some people still insisted that wasn’t right and that she should watch out. Why I can see why they said that, a lot of the comments came off as spiteful instead of helpful.
Tune it out
Don’t let random strangers dictate your relationship that they know nothing about. Not everyone has pure intentions when giving advice. Examples include, “all men cheat, so be prepared to get cheated on like I was,” or “if your boyfriend doesn’t pay for everything, he’s just using you.” No one can truly know how your relationships work. This advice also allows controlling and unhealthy behaviors to be excused, because “that’s what being in a relationship is about.” However, I would like to say this does not apply when your relationship presents actual toxic and/or abusive behaviors. This is about people projecting their negative perceptions of relationships onto others.
You will however, come across from time to time actual experts on TikTok who do answer questions, give reassuring advice, and multiple solutions to see what works for you. You will have people who are logical and genuinely want to help without bombarding you with insane scenarios. Learning to not project these things into your relationship can be a huge lifesaver!