Scrolling through the internet you will come across a multitude of positive messages. Some that I have personally seen a lot include: “when something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you,” or, “everything happens for a reason.” While looking at these you might feel inspired, however, they also trigger something called toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is when you are replacing all negative emotions with only positive emotions and thinking, no matter the situation. You are essentially responding to suffering by dismissing negative emotions, instead of affirming them. It also comes across as a lack of empathy. In most cases, it’s not intended to cause harm, but it can be considered a form of gaslighting. This can lead to serious implications for someone’s mental health.
This is not to say that all positivity is toxic and you just need to give up the positivity. It is important to embrace all of your emotions in a healthy way, to include positive emotions. When something bad happens (car breaks down, fail an exam, relationship ends, etc.) allow yourself the grace to feel all of your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel mad. Do not let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t because, “things could be worse” or, “you can’t change what happened.”
When it comes to others, express empathy. It’s totally fine to want to be positive and cheer someone up. However, when you do this it could just cause them to shut down and put on a front. Some may feel as though you don’t want to be surrounded by anything but happiness. They tend to feel like their emotions are invalid, which is the opposite of how we want others to feel.
The bottom line is, embrace all emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We don’t always have to be positive, and it’s okay to not be all the time. Support yourself and your friends, and express empathy when they are feeling less than happy.