To the Friend Who Broke My Heart

I never thought there would be a day when I didn’t know you anymore. I didn’t think there would be a first date, bad fight, or new outfit purchase I didn’t tell you about. I was convinced we would be “us” forever, but I was wrong. When I say I have issues with trust everyone assumes a boy is to blame, but the truth is, the end of our friendship was worse than any breakup and, years later, I’m still not over it. 

We’re grown now. There are days, weeks, even months where you don’t pop into my mind, but when I see an old picture or put on the sweater you got me for christmas one year, I remember all of the great memories we had, and I wish they weren’t tainted with the memory of the end. I wish I could be happy when those memories flood my mind, but even all these years later I get a pit in my stomach wondering if you remember them the same way I do. 

I don’t hold you accountable for what happened, because it was equally my fault. I don’t hate you anymore, because I know the end of our friendship was what you thought was best for you. I still want the best for you. I still want all the dreams you would tell me while we stared at the ceilings of our childhood bedrooms to come true. I still love the you I knew back then, and that's how I know you broke my heart.