Things I Wish I Let My Younger Self Do

I grew up with an eating disorder that made enjoying food difficult. From a very young age, I counted my calories and placed restrictions on what I could eat. I was obsessed with looking good, despite not even reaching puberty yet and letting my body mature. I wish I let my younger self eat the snacks that she wanted and enjoy the food in front of her without feeling guilty or ashamed.

As a child, I wanted nothing more than to grow up and become a woman. Almost every girl I know personally had an obsession with looking mature through drastic makeup or revealing clothes as if every single one of us could not wait to be seen as “sexy” or “seductive.” I would tell my younger self to not rush growing up and to enjoy the beautiful youth has to offer. 

There was nothing I wanted more than to have all my firsts: first kiss, date, boyfriend, etc. I felt like I was taking too long, that something had to be wrong with me if I was the only one out of my friends who didn’t have her firsts done yet. It took a toll on my confidence and self-esteem, and I wish I could tell her that with the right time and the right person, everything I wanted would happen, and the problem wasn’t us. I would get my firsts (and many more) by just being patient and letting things work out on their own.

I let a lot of opportunities and fun get past me by holding myself back and being too afraid to put myself out there. I missed out on a lot of things that I would have loved to have tried, like hobbies or sports. But, the lack of confidence always got the best of me and I didn’t get involved in new things. I’d push my younger self to go out in the world and try the things that interested her. I’d tell her to not worry about succeeding or failing, but to concentrate on having fun and living in the moment before she looks back in regret of what could’ve been.