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Let’s Talk About It: Having Kids & Life Decisions

Growing up, I never dreamed about a wedding, had the urge to want a family, or even get married. As I’m still trying to figure out who I am, some of these things that I’ve noticed about myself play a big role in how people act in society as well.

 What I mean by that is it seems like everybody’s goal is always centered around somebody else, whether that be having kids or having a spouse. What made me think about this deeper is a TikTok I saw of this woman saying to people that didn’t necessarily want a family or kids that she knows. It might be hard to fathom what it could be like to not constantly put yourself first every day, but that it’s actually nice having that happiness and living for somebody else as well. I think what it comes down to is just who you are as a person, some people are more caring and affectionate or motherly. Different experiences in your life will shape you to have the opinions you do as you get older which is something that I’ve realized as well.

However, I think the discussion around kids and all of those milestones in life that revolve around other people are quite interesting. It’s not that I don’t want a fairytale, or to have a significant other, whether it’s marriage or not, or a family. The difference is I know that I don’t want them yet, or I don’t have the need to say I can’t wait till this happens or that happens.

It always made me feel kind of strange and weird that I didn’t have the desire for those things, especially children. That’s not to say I don’t want my own family including children in the future, but I know I don’t want that for myself now. I think I enjoy my perspective because you never know who’s going to come into your life or what’s going to happen. Saying you want to get married at X age or by a certain year is something that I think is setting yourself up for disappointment and pressure, that is so unnecessary. I understand it because I feel this crazy pressure to make it and be successful very early in my 20s even though I know that’s okay if it doesn’t happen, and that kind of pressure is not always good.

 I know a lot of people may disagree but sometimes I think it would benefit others to think about life from a different perspective. Not that being alone should be everybody’s goal, but I think when you’re dealing with relationships, whether they’re platonic or romantic, that at some point you need to take extended periods of time to learn about yourself. You need to be able to live your life and not have a constant want or need for a significant other or somebody else, to feel like you can finally be happy and embrace life.  I think finding yourself and being sure of who you are, even though beliefs and other things can change or evolve, is very important before you start making these really serious life decisions. I know for some people it’s not that serious and that might sound dramatic but being that I have no desire to have kids now, let alone anytime soon, I think it offers me a different look on how people do other things that are not similar to how I think.

Something interesting that I always notice, is people who don’t have children are always looked at as if they think they’re better because they have that stance or opinion of not wanting them or not having had them yet. It always seems to be people who have them at a younger age unplanned or planned or even older, who say things in ways that make it obvious that they’re just trying to compensate for missing some of the freedom they wish they could’ve gotten more things done before settling down or making these serious decisions. Children don’t stop your life, having platonic or romantic relationships don’t stop your life either, but knowing who you are, and your choices before getting intertwined with people or decisions that you  have to be responsible for, for long periods of time matter. Other people's life experiences impact the choices they make and how they grow as a person so this is not to judge, but I think it should be more normalized to not make such crucial decisions involving a new life or existing lives just because of past traumas or wanting something when you have not experienced yourself to the fullest extent or life enough to know that you’re sure in your decision aside from just simply knowing that is something you desire.

Hey everyone, my name is Cristina. I'm a Senior here at Utica College!
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