A few days before my boyfriend and I became official, I was savaging through Nordstrom Rack’s clearance section and came across a sweatshirt that said “#single” in big bold letters right across the chest. I laughed and instantly put the sweatshirt back, asking myself “who would actually buy this?” But aren’t we all showing our relationship status in some way or another? How do we know what we have is real enough to display in big bold letters across our chest?
I started wondering, “What if we all wore our relationship status loud and proud for the world to see?” What in the world would mine and the rest of the couples who have conformed to the messed up millennial dating culture say? There is a black to white spectrum with more than fifty shades of grey in between in the ways we DTR.
Relationships can be black and white.
I was single for three years before I met my boyfriend, I know how vicious the dating world can be. I went through times when I was so thirsty for an adorable relationship that I took every tinder match as a potential boyf. There were other times that I loved being single more than anything else in the world. G Eazy’s song “Me, myself, and I” never felt more applicable and I would blast his lyrics with pride. I only saw being extremely taken or proudly single or I felt like I was in a drought or my sky couldn’t stop raining men. Both sides are intense and bold, just like the colors black and white.
…But there is also so much grey…
The grey is real and it can be hard to see. We all have had hookups, flings, and “talked” to many different guys in between official relationships, but in those cases your life routine doesn’t really change that much. There could have been small differences. Such as, you have someone to cuddle with and text throughout the day but the word “us” was never a connection. Defining the relationship seems so far away but you know you are something. I know people who love the grey area, they think it is exciting and dangerous, they don’t want to commit to black. That doesn’t mean whatever the two of you have isn’t real.
I thought officially titling the relationship is what made it real, but it doesn’t matter if you are in a grey area, completely white or completely black, your relationship can be real.
But you know it is when…
1. Their eyes shut out the rest of the world
Eye contact can be scary and awkward, but the second you lock eyes with your person the entire world seems to disappear. Sometimes, you can even communicate just by looking at each other, no one else in the world could join in on your conversation.
2. You don’t feel the need to describe your relationship
When we are in that grey area we feel the need to describe the weird situation we are in, “He comes over on the weekends at midnight after he gets drunk with his friends then leaves, but we are best friends on Snapchat.” Yeah, we have all had the story that describes the shade of grey we are in.
When you are in one solid color, aka an official relationship, all you need to say is “He is my boyfriend,” and you are the only one who needs to know what that means to you.
3. You eat off of the same plate.
It is one of the disgustingly cute traits of being a couple. You guys are “saving dishes” by sharing the same plate for meals, in groups and alone, and you only need one glass to fill and keep track of because it is so much easier to use the same one.
4. You can predict each other’s next move
You know this person better than anyone else and you know what he or she will leave behind and where it was left. It is nice having a second brain but is also pretty freaky.
5. The DIY days are over
I occasionally like to cook, but sometimes I’d rather just lie on the couch and watch Netflix. You now have someone to help you carry some of your weight. When I am over cooking, I know my boyfriend will take over and vice versa. It is almost like having four hands. There is no such thing as do it yourself, it is now do it together. You have a co-pilot for just about everything. There is a mutual obligation to be there for that person. Most of the time you do it because you simply want to.
6. Smiling becomes your favorite…
You smile when you’re with him, you smile when you think about him and you smile every time his name pops up on your phone. Smiling is now your favorite. I never thought I could be sore from smiling but once I finally relaxed my face, I knew I had a cheesy grin for hours. It seems easier to grin at the little things, the world seems a little bit brighter. This is the cheesy glow that we all gag at when it is not coming from us.
And no matter where you are, the black, the grey, the white; the wild and crazy or the safe and secure, the relationship is real because it is causing you to feel the butterflies or the knots. Your relationships with anyone are lessons to be learned and stories to be told.