Puerto Rico is in shambles, without power. Our president is waging a war with athletes. Moreover, our president doesn’t understand the constitution. That awful “cash me outside” girl is releasing music.
But like, do you know about Fiona the hippo? She’s a baby hippo at the Cincinatti Zoo.
She’s amazing. A diva. A thick queen. And she just might save us all.
Like. Yes, midterms are coming up. Global warming seems to just get more and more real. A string of hurricanes fires across the west coast. This summer was really hot and we were all sweaty a lot. It’s that time of year where if you wear a sweater you’re still cold in the morning but too hot and itchy and the evening. Nuclear war looms on the horizon. Things are bad.
But the Cincinatti Zoo keeps giving updates on Fiona’s weight gain and how can you not be proud of her? She just hit 500 pounds! She’s amazing! She’s unstopppable! Thick legend! Chubby queen!
Look, most of our generation is doomed by a broken housing market and systemic inequality. The labor market is more or less trash and truth be told, the American dream is more or less a lie. Chances are you are bound to your parent’s mistakes and depression rates are only escalating for our generation.
But holy shit you guys, watch this video of FIONA FARTING. Like. Jesus. I needed that. The world seems a lot brighter. I can breathe easier. There’s a weight off my chest.
I mean, yeah. Fascism is being normalized. Queer people can’t buy cake, apparently. It’s starting to seem like we’ll never find out what happened to Rory Gilmore with her pregnancy. It’s been months and Donald Trump still has not been impeached. There will at some point be a baby stuck with Kylie Jenner as a mother. And like, seriously, people are acting like it’s wild to hate Nazis.
Yo. This is bad. It’s very easy to be bogged down with cynicism in the broken world we live in. We seem very much doomed to horror, war, inequality, ect.
But like. Look at Fiona’s lil tongue. WITH THE LIL WHISKERS YOU GUYS OH MAN.
A BIG YAWN FOR SWEET PRINCESS FIONA.
SHE SAYS SO MUCH WITH ONE FACE.
SHE’S EVEN CUTER WHILST CHILLING WITH HER MAMA, BIBI.
We probably don’t deserve her. But we’ve got her. And she’s possibly humanity’s saving grace.
Thank you, Fiona. Thank you.