I remember the night I was the happiest and most in love I had ever been. It was an ordinary night, sitting in bed watching TV, one preceded by a long day of grocery shopping and running errands, just like the dreaded “old married couple,” everyone told us not to be. My ex and I had these nights (and days) often, the ones where we spent 10 minutes in the grocery store trying to decide if we wanted regular hummus or roasted red pepper, the ones where we sat alongside each other on our laptops barely talking at all, ending the evening with a simple goodnight kiss. Though we were teens, and everyone our age dreaded the stage we were in, we weren’t afraid of being that “boring couple”–in fact, we had the most fun together when we were being “boring.”
While I understand that the passionate, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other love is exciting and fun (and something everyone wants from time-to-time), personally speaking, that phase is far from my favorite one. In my mind, the moments in relationships where things feel comfortable, and easy, and safe, far surpass the nervousness, the butterflies, and the long-awaited texts. The first dates come at second place to the nights where you can fall asleep next to someone, and eat sh**ty frozen waffles together the next morning. And to be honest, I’m not sure where this obsession with perpetual passion in relationships comes from, nor do I understand why we continue to hold on to it. All I know is that our devotion to the sparks of a new relationship is rather juvenile, and something we must absolutely let go of.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am completely aware that some passion is essential in a relationship, especially when it comes to matters between the sheets. However, the thought of being googly-eyes and love-struck every day, and every moment of my relationship sounds truly exhausting. I crave the days where my significant other and I act more like best friends than lovers: quoting TV shows and making stupid jokes. I am obsessed with the moments where there is nothing sexual, and nothing romantic about our time together, because that is truly when I feel the greatest sense of love.
And in fear of sounding completely arrogant, I believe that more people in love should feel the way I do. Because if we started to glamorize the “old married couple moments” more often, we may all feel less pressure to be that exciting, romantic, PDA couple 24/7. And with that pressure out of the way, we can take the time to appreciate the safety and comfort we so often devalue. After all, isn’t it about time that we stop looking at our comfortable and stable relationships, and perceive said stability to be a plus, rather than something that signals boredom and a lost spark between lovers?
PSA: stable and secure are not synonymous with boring. In fact, I believe the best sex, the greatest romance, and the most intense passion stems from a stable and “comfortable” foundation. So no, just because you and your significant other skipped out on a hot, steamy evening and exchanged it for reading in bed, does not mean your relationship is failing, nor does it indicate that your love is lesser than the couple’s who spent the night having a romantic candlelight dinner. We must wake up and realize that a union based solely on passion, and heat, and attraction, is nothing more than infatuation. And besides, the passion and love in your relationship should be defined by none other than you and your partner, and not by anyone else’s definitions of what “real love,” and “great love” is supposed to look like.