Why The U is Just Better Than BYU

I just want to start off by saying here at the University of Utah we are very blessed.  We have beautiful scenery, some of the smartest minds in Utah and even the country, great academics and athletics and we’re not BYU.  But just in case you forgot just how superior we are to BYU I made a list of some of the reasons. 

1. We don’t have an honor code that punishes victims of sexual assault. 

Many of us remember the story from April of this year that reached national news where Brooke, 20 was sexually assaulted while attending BYU.  Instead of feeling safe and secure that her school would handle the situation with care and understanding she got suspended for breaking the BYU honor code.  The morally strict BYU honor code seems to create an environment where people who are victims of sexual assault are afraid to come forward and seek help because they might meet the same fate as Brooke did. 

2. On a lighter note, no beards.

For those of us who are a fan of a little (or a lot of) facial hair, you won’t find any of that on BYU campus.  Men have to be clean-shaven except for, if they choose, mustaches.  So just to recap, the U definitely has significantly more sexy facial hair and BYU has more pedo-staches. 

3. It’s located in Provo.

‘Nuff said.

4. Their own houses have visiting hours.

When most people graduate high school they expect to say goodbye the their curfew but not BYU students.  It’s not so much a curfew as it is visiting hours.  Kind of like a hospital or maybe more aptly put, jail.  You can’t have people of the opposite sex in your house after midnight on most nights.  Except for Fridays when visiting hours are generously extended to 1:30.  How do these people Netflix and Chill???

5. They don’t have the pie.

Generally, I don’t feel that bad for BYU students.  They were dumb for choosing the school in the first place but the fact that they don’t have the Pie right off campus does make me pine for them just a smidge.  They will never know the feeling of leaving a football game that your school just won (mostly because they don’t win that often) and going straight to the Pie to get a large pizza to share and maybe a Cinn-A-Part. 

6. They don’t have the best ski resorts in the country right next door.

What does Provo have in the way of skiing? Sundance? Sundance is a beautiful area but the snow is nothing compared to the likes of resorts like Alta, Snowbird and Park City just to name a few. 

7. Unnecessarily gross PDA.

Since half the student body is married BYU is famous for the on-campus PDA.  Don’t’ believe me?  Go look at "byupda" on Instagram for a little taste of what you’re not missing out on. 

8. No Co-Ed dorms.

Imagine if every dorm was Gateway Heights.  That’s BYU, and where’s the fun in that?

9. VERY little diversity.

Now yes, the state of Utah is definitely not the most racially diverse by any means but the epicenter of Utah’s monochromatic image is arguably Provo.   

10. BYU football sucks and Utah is going to win this Saturday.

Sorry not sorry for my unsolicited predictions but Utah has an almost seven year streak going.  Just try to break that BYU, just try.  The last time BYU beat Utah Taylor Swift still sang country music.  The last time BYU beat Utah Jersey Shore was still cool.  The last time BYU beat Utah we had just gotten the iPhone 3GS.  Needless to say it’s been a while. 

GO UTES!!!