“Your wedding day will be the best day of your life,” they tell you with wide, glistening eyes. “The white dress, the beautiful flowers, all of the fun traditions, it will be the best thing to ever happen to you.” Growing up as a woman, hearing this was no rarity. All of your life leads up to this. You are told to aspire to this one special day, the day where everything will fall into place, the day where you find your missing piece, the day where you finally get your man. We as women are essentially programmed to brides, by the movies we watch, by the books we read, by the magazine articles that guide us to finding our “perfect match.” And sadly, most of us fall for it.
For the better part of my life, I was in love with the idea of being in love and having the “perfect” wedding. I watched countless re-runs of Say Yes to the Dress, took online quizzes to find my “ideal wedding destination,” and planned secret Pinterest boards for that special day. Looking back, I am rather embarrassed by these behaviors, however, was I entirely to blame for my wedding obsession? After all, I grew up playing with Bridal Barbie, and watching Disney movies where the young princess was only happy, was only complete, when she found her prince. Even within my teen years, one could usually expect a classic “chick flick” to include a wedding, or at least a proposal of marriage—otherwise, it wasn’t a traditional, or satisfying, happy ending.
Luckily, I fought back against the media and against all the little voices that told me marriage would be the greatest moment of my existence. I refused to accept that marriage, that a wedding, was my only way to a happy ending. I didn’t need a man, let alone a party, to be fulfilled in life. While I understand that for many, a wedding is a religious ceremony, and much more than champagne and wedding cake, I, personally, was not going to be defined by a marriage. The climax of my life story was not about to be the day I put on a wedding dress and a veil.
While it may appear that I am bitter and cynical towards love, that is far from true. I am currently happily in love, and plan to be in love with this person for a long time. However, what I am bitter towards is that the highlight of my life as a woman is supposed to be my wedding day. I find this rather disheartening when there will be so many other amazing days in my life, days where I get promotions, travel the world, make new friends, and learn new things about myself—but instead of those days being highlighted in magazines and movies, only my moment as a bride makes the spotlight.
I want to be acknowledged as a complex woman, with a complex life, and complex goals, not just someone waiting around to be a “Mrs.” Though, I do eventually see myself taking the plunge and getting married, I want this to be one of many great days, not the BEST day. While I am sure my wedding day really will be one of my favorite moments, it will not be my defining moment; it will just be a happy one. My life will never center around a bridal gown, a groom, or a cake topper. This will not be the moment I have spent my whole life waiting for. My wedding day will simply be a day where I commit to someone that I love, and it needn’t be any more, or any less.