Why I'm NOT Asking My SO to Move With Me

It happened to my roommate. She asked her SO to move with her across the country, so she could go to her dream job. They moved and tried it out, and today her now-ex doesn't speak to her anymore. My biggest fear is a lose-lose situation like this one--a couple is torn apart because one makes a sacrifice for the other, then before you know it, they're regretting that forfeit and falling out of love with that person because of it.

So here’s the situation I’m in: I hate where I live. There, I said it. I love where I go to school, and I love the people I have met along the way, but I have known since the first semester of college that this is not home. I am not meant to be here, and I know that I cannot be successful in my current physical and mental location. This was always a no-brainer, and nothing could change the fact that I was leaving come graduation time. That is, until I met a certain special someone.

Total cliché, I know, but from our first date, I knew that they were something special. We started dating, or whatever the kids are calling it these days, right before spring semester ended and summer started. We literally had three dates before I moved back home for the summer, but it somehow managed to keep going steady. It might be important to note that about two weeks before I met my SO, I dumped another because long distance is foolish to me and I was about to leave for three months. However, for some reason, my new bae was distinctly extraordinary, and worth giving it a try. Anyway, long story short, we made it through the summer and lived happily ever after--until right about now. The only issue we have ever had is this: I am moving in May. And everyone’s favorite question has been “So, what are you two doing after graduation?” Great question. I have absolutely no idea.

Of course, I want to stay together. Of course, I would be over the moon if my love would join me on this adventure to a new place. Of course, it would be amazing if we could finally live together, and start a new chapter in our lives. Of course, it’s natural for me to want them to follow, but it would be just that: following. I get what I want. I get my dream, and they can come along for the ride? They would have to uproot their entire life, move away from friends, family, the job that they love and so much more.

If they do decide to come with me, I will forever be grateful for their sacrifice and endless support. However, if they choose not to come with me, though it would be a tragic end to our love, it'd be one that I would have to respect. I am not going to put my dream on hold, or sacrifice what I want for a romance, just like I don’t expect them to neglect all of their progress here for a relationship. 

For these reasons and more, I cannot and will not ask them to come with me. I refuse to make them choose between the life they live and love, and me. Making them leave their life behind, and then watch me get everything I want, could lead them to resent me. And after all, I have never been afraid to be selfish, in life and in love. But when you feel the way I do about my special someone, it becomes extremely difficult not to consider their desires and their best interests. Nonetheless, I have to do what is best for me.