Coming from a community that romanticizes young love, the glamor of moving in with the your significant other is amplified even more so. The reasoning behind the big move is pretty basic: you would get to see them more, you’ll get to better know their annoying habits and you can back out of the relationship now if I don’t like something. It’s like a test run for marriage. These are justifiable and perfectly reasonable motives for moving in together and congratulations to the people in the process or who are currently living together. That’s awesome!
However, the concept is hard for me to wrap my head around. Let’s hit the ball rolling with the fact that I am, by no means, influenced by faith (unless you consider my copious Rice Krispies consumption a religion). Therefore, I have no preconceived notions about the affair because of a particular upbringing. That being said, let us start and debunk some popular reasons for moving in together before marriage:
1. “You’ll get to see each other more often.”
Schedules get busy, and maneuvering to find a block of time to spend together is hard with work, school, living distance and whatever other circumstances. Moving in together would make finding overlapping time more convenient. However, I am a firm believer that no matter how busy you get, you can always find time for someone if they are a priority. If your relationship is suffering because you are not seeing each other enough, living under the same roof should not be the answer becaue then you’re literally forced to see each other. You should not feel obligated yourself to see the person you care about.
2. “What if you can’t stand one of their habits and you’re stuck with it after marriage? It’s better to know now so you don’t have to divorce later.”
For starters, shouldn’t couples already know each other’s annoying habits? Presuming you’ve been dating for a while, and have stayed over at each other’s places multiple times, wouldn’t you be perceptive enough to pick up on their mannerisms? In a relationship, both parties should be comfortable enough to be themselves in front of their significant others, especially in their home setting. Wouldn’t you notice if bae didn’t brush their teeth at night and always left the toilet seat up? That’s basic observation skills.
Also, if someone wants to divorce the other because of a couple annoying habits, there are deeper rooted problems. In my mind, if you really care about the person, inconsequential habits should not be such a huge issue. Likewise, if your significant other finds something you do irritating, find a compromise and fix it.
3.” It’s a test run for marriage.”
I get it; I understand the hype. It would be so exciting to just move in together. But people have the rest of their lives to get married and live together. The ratio of time spent dating before marriage is often wildy disproportionate to the time together after marriage, which is quite literally the rest of your life. Why rush it? I would rather revel in the fact that I can lounge about in a place of my own without having to factor in pleasing another significant roommate.
Marriage should be new, fun and exciting. It should make you feel giddy inside that you get to wake up to your significant other, something that you can’t just do as a regular couple. Once you move in before, what is the distinction? Perhaps that’s why I’m so opposed to it; because I want there to be a clear and special separation between dating life and married life.
Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, or I have a way off kilter attitude about the situation. Probably both, let’s be honest. So many of my friends have already moved in with their significant others and they are genuinely happy, however, that makes me even more excited to wait until marriage because it will represent a different meaning for me.