Is it just me, or does it seem like as soon as that age button hits 20, you have an expectation from society and family to find a husband and consider settling down? The big questions start flowing like, “Do you ever want kids?” or the, “You guys have been dating for so long! When are you thinking of getting engaged? You should know by now!” Ugh, run me over with a car instead before I have to be asked that for the millionth time. Now hear me out, if you want to get married when you are ready, you should do it! There is no right or wrong, it’s really just a matter of opinion, and it’s your life!
But on the same note, I am so tired of being surrounded by a culture where 25 is considered an old age to be married, where your wedding plans should come before your own aspirations and goals, where a college degree is a second thought, and settling down is a first. On top of all of it, if you don’t follow through with marrying in your early 20’s, or settling down and having kids, you are looked down on as if you just want to spend your life “partying” and don’t see the “truly important things in life.” How is it that marriage is the only thing allowed to be a symbol of importance? What about growing independently? What about figuring out the things you want? And for the love of all that is holy, it’s my life, and unless you are contributing to the payment of my wedding, my future rent, and are in my intimate relationship, you have no say. (P.S. Yes, I want you to look at that checklist before you consider asking me when I will be getting married. All three have to apply).
Being in your 20’s as a woman in the state of Utah comes with the pressure of having to carry basic mothering attributes, wanting to be a mom in the first place, and to want to be married and settled down ASAP. It is out of the ordinary to not want the “married life.” I have been in the same relationship for four years. However, most people are engaged by six months, so you can only imagine the criticism and input I get from those around me due to the fact I don’t have a fat diamond on my left ring finger yet. Having an education in intimate relationships/psychology, I have learned that one-half of all marriages end in a divorce. ONE-HALF. One-half of people promising to spend their lives with someone—for rich and for poor, through sickness and in health—end up getting divorced. If you can’t tell by now, I don’t believe love conquers all. I know this is sort of a downer for my Cupids out there, but I guess this is just my way of saying I have many reasons I do not want to get married right now, so please just stop asking.
People might ask, “Well, if you are really in love and happy, and know everything about each other, what are you waiting for?” All of this is true, but the simple answer is, I am not ready to commit my entire life to another human being just yet. I still have things in my own separate life that I would like to accomplish before I devote myself to another person. I have told myself that this is okay to think, that this is okay to feel, and I truly believe that it is. If you are happy in your relationship, and content with yourself, don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself that you aren’t ready for. It’s okay to be on a different boat than most people around you, marriage is supposed to be forever, your young 20’s are not. Enjoy it how you want!