Our other half, our missing piece, the person we’ve all been taught to strive after: our “soul mate.” So many of us have fallen into the trap that our perfect match is out there, somewhere, waiting to complete us. Perhaps this idea of our other half has stemmed from watching movies like The Notebook one too many times, or maybe, just maybe, this concept of “soul mates” is simply sustained because it is a comforting idea to us all. I, like many others, have used the idea of a soul mate to comfort me through my dating insecurities and the occasional tragic breakup. If it didn’t work out with one potential suitor, I would simply pass him off as one step closer to my perfect match. Yet with greater dating experience, I realized how foolish and juvenile this belief truly was.
Though it is embarrassing to admit, my loyalty to the idea of soul mates lasted far beyond the days of Disney movies and waiting for my prince to come, but carried on into my late teens. Though it was shamefully cliché, I fell in love for the first time and firmly believed that he would be the one I would marry. He was my “soul mate”—or so I thought. However, one messy breakup and an eye-opening epiphany later, I realized that the belief I clung to so desperately was no less than well, bullsh*t. I had felt everything I was told that I would feel when I met “the one,” but now looking back I was not his missing piece and he was not mine. Sure, we had common interests and differences that complimented one another, but nothing about our love felt destined or driven by fate.
And then I thought, was there any love out there that was perfectly planned? That clicked together like two “puzzle pieces”? Some of the happiest couples I had known were those combatting major religious, political, and personality differences—two people who had first glance looked far from meant to be. But though I would have never dreamed of matching them up, they were blissfully happy nonetheless. As I grew up, I realized that the key to great love may not be to seek out the person that checked off a list of dating must-haves or the person that you felt that raging “spark” with, but rather to seek out the one whom you are willing to invest your time and energy in. Like anything, love requires hard work; so perhaps a successful marriage is not founded on common interest or intense fiery passion, but instead based on conscious decision and an unwavering effort to be in love.
I mean, wouldn’t it be foolish to suppose that two people were made for each other, when people are constantly changing, constantly adapting to their surroundings and life situations? I am truly convinced that marriage is not so much about the perfect person, but more about the perfect time. It might be that we find Mr. Right, not because he finally showed up at our door, but because we finally start looking for him. We may not be meeting higher quality partners, or partners more suitable for us, as we age, instead, marriage and settling down simply becomes more appealing of an idea as the years go on. Might I even propose that a soul mate is merely a delusion and we are simply more susceptible to falling in love, deeper love, when we decide we’re ready for it.
Quite honestly, who is to say that we couldn’t fall in love with any random person out there, at any time, and live a happy life? With the right mindset, it seems quite easy to imagine a future with anyone. Speaking from my own experience, I can look back and say quite brutally, that I loved some of the most unlovable people, people that I could never, and would never want to, imagine dating now. Though it is much more glamorous and fun a thought to think of love as something outside our control, something magical, something destined, isn’t it rather comforting that the greater effort we put in a relationship could translate into a greater love? Instead of us all living in constant fear that our “soul mate” will never find us, we can decide to be happy and decide to be in love.
Today, I am not dating my soul mate. I am not dating the one who completes me. I, instead, am dating the person who is exactly what I need in this very moment of my life. Sacrificing the idea that we were each other’s other half, did not lead to a sacrifice in romance, nor did it lead to a sacrifice in happiness. Rather, I have found the idea that we will grow together, pick up the other’s personality quirks, dumb jokes, bad habits, and interests along the way, much more of an exciting thought than being “meant to be.”