I’ve read countless articles on “how to still be a good friend once you get a boyfriend, “what to do when your best friend gets a boyfriend” and many more. A lot of them usually blame the person who gets the boyfriend, saying that he or she is the one who isn’t making enough time. Well, I’m here ready to advocate for everyone out there who has felt hurt, overwhelmed and like the blame is being put on them for choosing to be in a relationship.
Let’s start off by me saying that I believe that when you get a boyfriend, you do need to make a conscious effort to keep up relationships with the other people in your life. It is true that those relationships (parents, friends, best friends, roommates, sorority sisters, etc.) existed way before you met your special someone. They were there for you before and, if they are true, will be there for you during and after, no matter what happens. My friends and sorority sisters have picked me up every time I’ve had a rough day and struggled through something, small or big. They deserve the respect and I should maintain those relationships and continue to be there for them. More than that, I still want to do those things. However, friends and family need to understand that being in a relationship becomes an adjustment. I can attest personally that is very easy to get caught up in that puppy dog phase and spend all your time with that other person because you genuinely want to be with them all the time. However, I can also say that if your close friend, sister, etc. just got into a relationship, she does want to spend time with you and keep up those relationships and nine times out of ten she will make the effort. It may just not be that constant effort that you are used to.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost six months now and parts of my lifestyle have definitely changed. I used to always be down for 80’s movie night, Wine Wednesday, going out every weekend, random shopping trips and things that always included my girls. That was the definition of my social life and I balanced that along with school, work and my family. However, since having a boyfriend I make time for dinner dates, Netflix-binging sessions, studying at the library with him occasionally, etc. It’s a new part of my life that now needs to be integrated with everything else. I know that I, as well as others in relationships, are doing the best we can. I truly enjoy being with my boyfriend and that is not something I want to have to apologize for.
It is definitely partly up to the individual in the relationship to make the effort but it also helps to have amazing friends and family. My best friend/roommate and I have had pretty smooth sailing so far when it comes to me making time for her. She was able to make that adjustment when I entered my relationship and understood that she just had to share me a little now. If I had to give out some advice, it would be to create a set time/days/nights for your friends and family. It doesn’t have to be the same every single week but you can sit your boyfriend down and say, “Hey Friday is girls’ night” or “I want to get brunch with my Big on Sunday, just us two.” If your boyfriend is a good guy, he will understand. Similarly, utilize time that your boyfriend is out with his guy friends. You don’t have to be stuck at home, waiting for him to come back. Call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while and go out to dinner! It is definitely possible to have the best of both worlds.
I have definitely struggled in maintaining my friendships to exactly what they were, since entering a relationship. To my friends: I promise that it is not out of bad intention or not wanting you in my life anymore, I am still genuinely trying to figure it out. At the end of the day, it will always be sisters over misters.