When you are young it seems as if your mom and dad are everything that is right in the world. They are your sun, moon and stars and they are adults. They can do no wrong because they are so wise and mature beyond their years. As least that’s how it seems at the age of 5, about to start your first day of kindergarten and looking up at these amazing people hoping that at the end of all of this you’ll be just like them. So naturally, you will want to mimic everything they do to makes sure that happens. Unfortunately as we grow older we realize, that our parents can be far from perfect and some of those habits we copied over the years may not be as amazing as we think; one of the most dangerous is body shaming.
Speaking personally, when I was a little girl I was, at the time, blind and inattentive to the media and campaigns advertising perfect bodies. They just didn’t really rub off on me at the time. What I did pay the most attention to was my mom (who was perfect in my eyes) but weighed herself every day, was extremely cautious about what she ate and worked out at least 4-5 times a week. My dad was also the same way. I remember family breakfasts where they would groan about the heavy calorie dinners we ate the night before, especially if we went out to eat. They would talk about people of our ethnicity tending to have more bloated stomachs and heavier thighs if they didn’t take care of themselves. I remember walking in on my mom in the bathroom examining her stomach, thighs, back, etc. and all I could really feel was confusion. I knew it was important to eat right and live a healthy life but it seemed as though my parents’ image of their body was controlling their entire life. They were and still continue to be extremely successful people but I didn’t see how they could enjoy those other aspects of life if they were always worrying about the repercussions of eating a piece of cake or skipping the gym one day.
As I grew older, I noticed myself start to examine my own body in the ways I had seen my parents do. What was interesting is that they actually got a lot better about not letting their body image control their whole life and I started to get worse. I would punish myself for a week for eating that extra dessert or snack that I had not planned for in my day or skipping a fitness class. I would also stand in front of the mirror for up to an hour grabbing my tummy and thighs (wishing I could suck all the fat out), pinching my arm fat and wishing I looked like the girls I saw on the “explore page” of Instagram which always tended to load my feed with other college women with perfect bodies posing just right and looking flawless in whatever they wore. I remembered how much my parents would go to the gym and limit what they ate and I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to maintain my body for how old I was getting. I felt as though I couldn’t find the perfect balance between maintaining a healthy and fit lifestyle and obsessing over my weight constantly.
After many months of struggling and reaching out for help, I finally realized that living a healthy lifestyle isn’t all about having the perfect body. It’s about me going to the gym, working out and eating right because I like how I feel after. It’s about surrounding myself with positive people who make me feel good to be around, doing well in school and pushing myself to the correct amount. There are many factors that contribute to a healthy lifestyle and if you are feeling constantly stressed and inadequate you may need to take a step back and reevaluate your priorities of that “healthy life”.
I don’t want to place blame on my parents for struggling with body confidence. I know that there are a lot of factors in today’s modern era that contribute to men and women alike feeling inadequate because of their image. However, I do think it’s important for parents to realize how impressionable their children are and that, as the primary people in their life, they are the role models and the measuring stick for their child’s definition of “perfection”. Studies show that most traits most concepts or traits are learnt behavior so a child’s first experience with body image will stem from their parents’ ideas. Today, we combat lifelong impacting eating disorders such as bulimia or anorexia. Every thought that comes from a teen or adult’s decision to engage in such behaviors stems from an area of insecurity and doubt. It’s important that not only parents but any adult in the position to be a role model for a child promote positive and healthy ideas of body image for the future generation.