Piles and piles of books, notebook pages full of highlighted vocabulary words and her laptop screen all sat in front of her as she chewed on her black pen. Her phone buzzed but she ignored it, her focus remained on cramming as much into her overwhelmed brain as she could before her midterm. The vibration alerted her again, capturing her attention and she gave into her rose-gold iPhone.
“Hello?” she snapped at her mom, stress overtaking her. As her mom talked, her whole world seemed to become black and white. The midterm that she had only seconds ago been consumed by, now seemed trivial.
Her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.
Hundreds of thoughts and potential outcomes swirled through her head; worst case scenarios, best case scenarios, how long did she have to live, would she make it through this, and also, maybe a little selfishly, how would this affect her. Yet, with all of this going on in her mind, she didn’t have anything to say and didn’t know how to react. It was a surreal experience and one that is sadly too common for many collegiettes.
It seems like no matter whom you talk to, everyone is at some point faced with the terrifying reality that someone they love has cancer. Life as a collegiette is full-speed ahead, between balancing a sorority, clubs, and the actual school part of college, it seems like most of us rarely have a chance to catch our breath.
She knew she had to keep going with her life, but at the same time, she had been knocked down and didn’t know how or when to get up. Nothing else seemed as important as making sure her grandmother was okay and helping as much as she could, but she was perplexed by her next step and felt helpless. She was overcome with emotions but at that moment, her midterm was still about to happen just as scheduled. Despite, the fact that everything had just changed for her, her plate was still full. She still had sorority and club meetings, she still had classes, and she still had commitments she couldn’t break and she had to handle the thought of her grandma going into the doctor day after day still not knowing what she could do or what even to say.
When someone you love so much is suddenly fighting for his/her life, it feels as if you are fighting too. You’re fighting to stay strong, you’re fighting to be there, you’re fighting to stay grounded, and you’re fighting for a second to catch up with how you’re feeling.
It’s easy to close yourself off and shut down the outside world. Maybe you feel betrayed that someone or something did this to you, you might be struggling with the injustice of the situation, or even questioning “why me” versus someone else. These thoughts are natural and common among collegiettes in similar situations so take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. With that you can draw strength but also keep in mind that every one handles adverse situations differently, and your unique way will always be okay as long as it helps you to feel a sliver of peace amongst the heartbreak and shock.
In the same sense that everyone handles situations differently, every loved one will have at least a slightly different outcome. They may have not lost anything but their spirit, they may look physically different, they may have successfully gone into remission, or in the darkest cases, death. Cancer changes lives, it doesn’t matter the scale of the diagnoses, it impacts you to your core. How you will be changed or what you will take away from this experience is completely up to you.
People say college is the best four years of your life, but for some of us, it’s also the hardest couple years of our life, being away from family and friends and in cases of tragedy, it becomes unbearable. You can put your best foot forward in everything you do, but remember you’re still able to cry. You still can have a breakdown, you don’t have to be good at everything all of the time. You don’t have to be strong all of the time, take a chance to let yourself fall apart.
Falling apart can be hard, but also incredibly cathartic. If you put too much pressure on a branch, it’ll break and we never want you to be that branch. Keeping all that in mind, it’s also important to remember that falling apart can mean very different things to everyone; it can be venting to a best friend, skipping class that morning (or all day!), or it can simply just be giving yourself a break when everything doesn’t go the way that you hoped it would. Life is full of the unexpected and with them you have to learn to cope and to grow.