I was that girl in school. The girl that most boys avoided like the plague. The girl that would try a lot harder than the other girls to get the boys’ attention. From Kindergarten to Senior Year, I always had a crush on some boy. My friends and I could talk for hours upon hours about what our crush said, wore, acted like, etc. I never understood how or why some girls could easily get a boy to like them. By 6th grade, I was ready to have my first boyfriend. But, to my surprise, no boys were interested in filling the position.
Now my older, wiser, and more feminist self would love to go back in time and slap my pubescent self across the face and say, “First off, you’re too young to be thinking about boys and second, you are perfect just the way you are! Do not conform to the way you think you should be to impress that immature 12-year-old!” Time travel obviously hasn’t been invented yet, but that would be first on my to-do list if it had been.
I remember being in 9th grade and hearing about my best friend getting her first kiss. This is when I began to most crave it. I knew there was nothing else in the world I wanted more than to get my first kiss. If my best friend could get a guy, then I surely could get one, too! That following summer before high school, my junior high crush transitioned into my first kiss. In that moment, I knew I had become obsessed.
Okay, I’ll calm down with all this nostalgia. I understand this is not my diary, and I’ll get to the point I’m trying to make. In the years since I’ve been ridiculed for my behavior around boys. I’ve been told I’m not attractive enough to get a guy’s attention, I’ve been told that I overthink, that guys aren’t interested in my craziness, or worse, I’ve been told I’m too revealing and that boys are not going to give me the time of day because they will think I’m too sleazy.
As I’ve grown into my own person, I’ve come to realize that I no longer care to impress the boys I was once obsessed with. I care about impressing myself. The crazy thing? I’ve actually gotten men to stay around longer than just a week or two because I am taking care of myself rather than obsessing on what they think of me.
My advice to the girl out there that is obsessed with all things boys and is just dying to have their first kiss or their first boyfriend, you need to know it all starts with you. Become obsessed with learning new things that are important to you. Spend more time overthinking the series finale to your favorite TV show rather than what that cute boy in your class is having for lunch that day. It’s all a waste of time that should be spent on making you happy. Whether you are the hopeless romantic 6-year-old like I was or a head over heels 99-year-old, make yourself the priority, always. Everything else falls into place after that.