If you’re clicking on this article, I truly hope it’s out of curiosity. I wish with all my heart you are not having to go through this because this is a major difficulty to have to go through. And I’ve been there… more than once.
So, not only are you trying to win the heart of your new boyfriend, you also are trying to win the heart of his own mother! And yes, while everyone may not like you and that’s something you need to accept… his mom liking you should be something on your priority list. I know you imagine a perfect scenario of you and his family sitting around the table. You’re hand in hand with your boyfriend while your ‘hopefully’ future mother-in-law praises you because her son finally picked ‘one of the good ones.’ She can’t stop glancing at the both of you and smiling to herself. But it all comes crashing down when you see her cold fake smiles and unwelcoming greetings every time you come in contact with her. Which is honestly not only hard on you but it can be hard on your relationship.
My advice for you:
- Respect her. You don’t have to like her. You don’t have to be best friends with her. But you do have to respect her. When you’re alone in your room, feel free to scream at a wall and get all the nasty thoughts out of your head. But for the sake of your happiness, be cordial.
- Be Honest with Your Boyfriend. (Carefully and Thoughtfully) It’s his mom. You could hate the woman with every fiber of your being, but he’s always going to have a part of love reserved for her. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable and don’t feel welcome at her house. He might come back with “you’re overthinking it.” Or “My mom loves everyone.” But once you explain to him honestly how you feel, this will give him room to talk to his mom. And if he doesn’t, it’s time for you to think what’s important to you.
- Remember Your Boundaries. Remain calm, cool, and collected. Also, remember how you want to be treated. If she constantly is bringing you down by commenting on your new hair color in a demeaning way or she is accusing you of being a bad influence on her son, then it’s up to you to stand up for yourself. Don’t lose control, but an honest conversation with her will show your level of maturity vs. being the “bad influence” she thinks you are on her son. And if she is still not able to be a grown up and be respectful of you, then rest in peace that you did all you could do; it’s no longer your problem.
- If He Chooses Between You & His Mom… Let him make his decision. He is a grown man after all. But at the end of the day if he chooses to let you go because his mom can’t see the good in you, then it was for the best. You now know where you stand and you just saved yourself from years of heartache and I think that’s the greatest blessing of all.
Girl, believe me when I say that I’ve been there. I’ve felt hopeless and that his mom’s approval was going to be the thing to break us apart. But please, don’t lose hope. It will all work out in the end whether your boyfriend can’t handle the fighting anymore and he needs to break it off (and I sure hope this isn’t his reasoning) or you and the Mom are able to put your differences aside to make this work and to be able to care for the boy that’s important in both of your lives. Either way, in the words of Walt Disney, Keep Moving Forward!