Unsolicited: Fighting Irrelevancy One Younger Man at a Time

As a freshman, I was aware of the remote possibility that towards the end of my college years I could potentially be less relevant than I was at that exact moment. Flash forward to now: the remote possibility of irrelevance is now more of an unfortunate reality that is only exacerbated by Greek life. I’ve noticed that many upperclassmen are interested solely in younger women, which is fine and something that freshman around me enjoyed, but now, as I finish out my junior year and watch my close friends and sorority sisters deepen connections with their significant others, I still find myself single and frustrated with competition that younger women provide. This week I decided to stop trying and aim for a different demographic: younger men. If it is societally acceptable for older men to date younger women, why couldn’t I, as an upperclassman, date younger men?

I began my week with a flirtation with a freshman, Greek affiliated of course. He bought me Café Rio, opened doors for me, and charmed me into a false sense of relevance. We talked for three hours about our viewpoints on various topics, our upbringings, and preferences. Just when I thought I had managed to score a date with a friendly, intelligent, normal man with such ease and began to mentally congratulate myself on my genius idea to date younger, he propositioned me for shower sex.

Side note on the mental conversation I had in the seconds following a proposition of shower sex on the first date: I think I look like a wet, sewer rat in the shower, and with any level of sexual contact, it is important to feel absolutely confident and comfortable. Furthermore, when you first become intimate with someone, you’re adjusting to someone and something new, which should probably not occur on a wet and slippery surface. To be clear, I’m not judging anyone for having sex on the first date, but generally, it is not for me. So much can go wrong in only a few hours, and in my experience, you never regret saying no and you can regret saying yes too quickly more often than not. If he is the type of man you deserve, he can wait. And finally, I prefer to keep my showering strictly for self-grooming purposes only.

 Needless to say, I declined, but I was admittedly flattered that I, as a junior, could captivate the desire of a freshman. However, my newfound relevancy was short-lived. The very next night my very own freshman flirtation drunkenly made out with a younger sorority sister and close friend, who became his new obsession. Like I said, a lot can change over a few hours. Seeing as I hadn’t put much skin in the game, my ego was only a little bruised, as I became a figment of the past once more. I realized the valuable life lesson: women often date older men because they seek maturity, a quality that was severely lacking in my male, freshman counterpart. However, I wasn’t quite ready to throw in the towel on my theory just yet.

The next night, I ventured onto the row. Once again, I hoped to gain social relevancy. I thought perhaps my theory would be better suited on a man only one year my junior as opposed to two. My sophomore suitor was an acquaintance I made on the online dating app known as Bumble. We had met up once before, and I found him to be charming, and someone whose company I might enjoy for a night. That being said, whoever thought that housing four fraternity men in one bedroom was a good idea has never spent much time in a fraternity house. I found it difficult to connect because of a lack of privacy and a lack of endowment (if you catch my drift.) However, this man’s behavior on social media was what left him as nothing more than a sophomore slump rather than a sophomore suitor. I wasn’t sure how to kindly deliver the news that he was acting like a lunatic on social media, and it was a major turn-off.

Though I started out the week with the question, "could I as an older, collegiate female successfully date underclassmen," my experiences of the past week lead me to believe that perhaps, for me personally, younger is not better, but then again, it’s about the person not about the number. Lack of maturity and bad online behavior could be traits of older men as well. They just happened to present in my younger dates. My dating faux pas of the week solidified for me that it patience is a virtue a single lady can’t live without: the patience to wait it out for the right person, the patience to see where the relationship goes before you compromise your sexual boundaries, and patience with yourself as you make blunders along the way. Finally, I learned that my social relevance is determined not by relationship status, but by who I am and how I connect with those around me.

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