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Trump Working Hard to Cancel Climate Change

It’s not even been one week since Trump’s inauguration, and already he’s working hard to rid the world of one of its most bothersome inconveniences: climate change.

Environmental scientists everywhere rejoiced on Election Day, as they realized with Trump as our new POTC, climate change was about to disappear. And along with it, all of their problems.

Let’s face it, no one likes climate change. Its consequences are scary and no one wants to deal with the guilt of recognizing it’s completely to blame on the selfish and irresponsible actions of the human race. Not to mention, researching mitigation strategies is expensive and requires optimism and the intellect of some of our country’s brightest engineers. Don’t fret though, Trump’s wisdom surpasses that of all of his predecessors as he’s realized, if it doesn’t exist there’s nothing for us to feel guilty about! Thank god the American people had the intelligence to nominate and elect a man who will no longer allow climate change to exist. He’s simply canceling it.

How can a man cancel climate change you ask? First thing’s first, get rid of that pesky EPA and its entire media source that keeps us informed. Trump has rightfully ordered an entire media blackout and contact freeze within the agency. Now, with our Environmental Protection Agency no longer able to communicate with the country’s citizens, informing and updating us on the current climate change crisis, we no longer are being forced to recognize it exists! No point in raising awareness for a problem that’s not even real, am I right?

As for switching our energy sources toward renewable, screw that! Trump’s made the wise decision to utilize his executive power to advance the construction of the Keystone, Dakota Access Pipeline. It will create 28,000 jobs in construction, he boasts. Not to mention an entire culture’s native land being torn to pieces to benefit the upper and middle class who are absolutely dependent on fuel. But it’s not like this scenario has ever played out before, so it’s nothing to feel too guilty about. And who would want to give up their dirty polluting car for a “hybrid”. Those cars are just too suspiciously quiet. As he proceeded with the necessary signatures in the oval office Trump explained to the press, “we’re expediting environmental reviews and approvals!” Forget the National Environmental Policy Act, Trump’s people say it’s something he can easily maneuver around. The new pipeline will be dug up and destroying the environment in no time! But it’s okay, because climate change isn’t real, and exploiting natural resources in the name of profit is simply the true capitalistic nature.

And let’s not forget how on his very first day as president Trump completely abandoned Obama’s climate and water policies. It’s not like Obama spent six years pouring over these policies to be the most efficient and have the most positive environmental impact anyway.

As for me, an Environmental Sustainability student, I couldn’t be more pleased. Trump has made my major so much easier. Studying strategies to solve a problem that doesn’t exist? Piece of cake. And on the off chance it still does, at least it’s not the American people’s problem to deal with anymore. We’ll let the other nations around the world handle this one!




This article does not reflect the offical views or opinions of Her Campus International, Her Campus Utah, or any affiliates. 

Shaela Adams: is really just in love with the Earth. And peanut butter. And naps.
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