Thanksgiving is Worthless, Christmas Begins November 1st

Call it controversial. Call me heartless. I don’t give single snowflake. CHRISTMAS STARTED THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN. THANKSGIVING CAN FORMALLY AND OFFICIALLY SUCK MY ASS. THESE TWO MONTHS ARE EXCLUSIVELY ABOUT CHRISTMAS.

Thanksgiving celebrates genocide. It’s a marker of the colonization of a thriving nation by white people. Oh, and last year? While celebrating Thanksgiving, indigenous folks were fighting for a pipeline to not desecrate sacred land, and facing police brutality.

So that’s the politics of Thanksgiving being horrible. Moreover, it’s a holiday where your racist family feeds you green beans that taste like microaggressions and make gay jokes. You gotta sit by Grandma Geraldine and pretend it’s totally cool that she voted for Trump while cousin Jake talks about how he’d rather vote for a pedophile than a liberal any day. And you just sit there and eat your damn mashed potatoes because they’re the only food on the table that doesn’t radiate racial prejudice. (Mashed potatoes are an inherently pure and holy thing, and cannot be tainted by your horrible family.)

Some suggest that we can’t listen to Christmas music, do Christmas shopping, or put up Christmas decor until December. Some suggest that November is dedicated to Thanksgiving, that Turkey Day deserves its due. To those people, I say: shut the fuck up you darn fool who are you kidding.

Thanksgiving? Not fun. Christmas? The best the best the best the best. Yeah, we live in a capitalistic hellscape. Yeah, Christmas is maybe symptomatic of that. BUT consider this: Christmas is great. The best. Superb. Every single thing is glowing, from Christmas trees to sweaters to the very gutters sloshing with melted snow.

Christmas is a pure, sacred thing. I’m not talking about baby Jesus. I’m talking about the extraordinary aura of joy. Red ribbons adorn every corner. Glitter covers every inch. What more could you request? People give you cool stuff, and you give them cool stuff back. It’s giving and joy and there’s no reason to delay until December 1st. Start the joy soon, and keep it going.

 

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