Dating in the 21st century is not for the faint of heart; it requires determination, grit, and skilled thumbs for all the required dating-app swiping. And how does this journey of love begin? It all begins on the first date. Ah, the first date: where first impressions are everything, where you’ve got one chance to prove that you’re not a psycho, and where you determine whether or not there’s chemistry. It’s like a real-life game of “Operation,” and you had better be delicate or else it’s “game over” with no second chances. There is so much weighing on that first date, and the last thing you want is to get your foot caught in your mouth. Here are a list of phrases and statements that should dissolve in your throat, and never see the light of day:
1. “So…tell me about your ex,” or “My ex used to…”
Why? Why does this topic ALWAYS come up? Be present with the person you’re on a date with, and don’t summon the Ghost of Relationships’ Past. The whole reason why you’re both on a date is to move on from your pasts. Why make it more difficult on yourselves? Sarah does not care about your ex-Becky’s weird mannerisms, and Joe could care less about ex-Jim’s inability to commit. When you don’t bring up the exes, it shows that you respect your date’s feelings and that you recognize that past relationships should remain in the past where they belong.
2. “My family’s going to love you…” or “When you meet my family…”
*Internal screaming* is what your date does when you bring up the possibility of them meeting your family. The first date should be about getting to know someone and not about the future. Voicing that you’re ready to take those big steps forward is the purest form of dating repellant there is on the market. Maybe you do see your date fitting in perfectly with your family, and, if so, write it down in your secret diary after the date is over. Keep it to yourself! Save those thoughts for when you get to know them better.
3. “You’re not like other girls/guys.”
What a classic line filled with originality, poetry, and beauty, and, most importantly, BS. I thought we collectively established that this line should be scrubbed from the love-life Bible, but clearly, I was wrong. NEVER use this line on the first date, and, better yet, never use it at all. You may think it comes across as a compliment, but you would be wrong. It not only makes you seem cliché, but it also puts a bad taste in your date’s mouth. Why? Because you’re degrading all other females or males when you use that line. Do you really think putting down other members of their sex is the way to their heart? I don’t think so.
4. “That’s a lot of food.”
Believe it or not, someone said this to me on our first date when all I ordered was a Caesar salad… and they were completely serious. How could I have known it was going to be a huge salad? Avoid all comments about your date’s food selection unless they are positive. If your date turns out to be a jerk who is determined to get their time’s worth by ordering three entrees, then issue a gentle courtesy reminder. Otherwise, don’t make them feel insecure! They’re already in a vulnerable position anyway by being on a date with another person! They don’t need to be lectured on caloric consumption.
5. “So…how’s the Tinder/dating life treating you?”
Okay, I am admittedly guilty of this one. When you can’t think of anything else to talk about, it’s easy to revert to the dating app that brought you two together in the first place or to ask about life on the dating market. It’s easy because it’s relevant to both of you. But no matter how much you’d like to ask Sally about her date with Tinder Tyler, suppress that instinct! Again, be in the present with the person you’re with! You’re on a date with them, and so the awkward Tinder date from Saturday night is irrelevant.
6. “I saw from Facebook that you’re really into…”
Nope. If you have been social media stalking – which, let’s be honest, we’ve all done it when we are really interested in someone – then it’s best to not let them know. Ask about their hobbies and find out the natural way. Otherwise, you may scare them off or come across as an obsessive stalker.
7. “I can’t believe you’re single!”
You may think you’re giving your date a compliment, but what you’re really doing is inadvertently making them feel self-conscious and insecure. They’re very aware of their singleness, and regardless of how attractive, funny, or smart they are…they’re single for a reason, and those reasons could be any or all of the following: A. They just recently split from someone, B. They have chosen to embrace the single life, C. They can’t find anyone they click with, or D. Another personal reason. In stating that you can’t believe they’re single, they’re reminded of why they are, and they feel like you might think something is wrong with them.
8. “I love you.”
Okay, my friends – if anyone is out there is dropping the “L” bomb on the first date (looking at you, BYU) it needs to stop. You can’t love someone on a first date because YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THEM. Regardless of what Disney movies may have taught you, you can’t know you love someone after 90 minutes of being with them.
9. “Me…Myself…I…”
A conversation is all about give and take. If you are main subject of the conversation, odds are your date is more focused on the clock behind your head than on you. Of course, they want to get to know you, but they also want to share about themselves as well. Dating is about two people getting to know each other. Asking questions and actually listening to the answers will not only amaze your date, but it will allow you to actually get to know the person you chose to spend your Friday night with.
10. “You’re so much hotter in person…” “You look different than your pictures…”
Whether you’ve seen their pictures via Tinder, Mutual, Bumble, or social media, commenting on the accuracy of their pictures is off-limits. Maybe they had a tan in the summer that they don’t have anymore, maybe they put on a few pounds because they couldn’t resist mom’s home cooking (me), or maybe they completely cat-fished you. Regardless, do not compare them to their pictures. It will make them defensive, insecure, and they will more than likely deem you to be as shallow as a kiddie pool.
Dating can be like navigating a minefield, or it could be as smooth as a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. At the end of the day, it’s best to apply Dwight Shrute’s philosophy:
Happy dating, and may swipes be ever in your favor!