Stop Using Sex As a Weapon

Sex: a beautiful release, a connection between lovers, and maybe, just maybe, our greatest weapon. Too often, pillow talk in relationships quickly turns to manipulative sexual encounters. Statements of “we made love last night,” quickly turn to “I had sex with him, so he would do the dishes.” And while sex is typically famous for its intimacy and romanticism, might we be using it for evil much more often than we use for good—a naked ammunition of sorts.

From the stories I’ve collected over the years, sex always seems to start in that beautiful stage, the one where it’s exciting, and intimate, and fun. Then, before your eyes it’s screwing for the sake of relationship maintenance—and what a damn shame it is. Unfortunately, more people than not still view sex as a way to get what we want: attention, commitment, monogamy, and the occasional load of dishes done. But do we understand the magnitude of destruction we are causing when we treat it as such?

Each and every time I felt the need to screw my way out of a broken relationship, I can assure you a multitude of problems arose in its place instead. To put simply, sex is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound, sure it makes you feel better, but it’s not fixing anything. And though part of me still believes that I can kiss my way out of a fight, I know better, and you do too.

While many would agree that sex is essential for a good relationship, all I know, is that it’s no way to a repair a bad one. It may be fun. It may be comforting. It may even be a stress-relief. But after everyone has finished, the problems will only begin again. And to be quite frank, if you’re having sex solely for the purpose of personal gain and manipulation, I have a sneaky suspicion you’ll begin to resent the very intimacy you thought would heal all wounds. Call me old-fashioned. Call me boring, even call me naïve. But, I am still a firm believer that sex is designed for us connect on an intimate level with another person, and that the best sex is the one with the best intentions. And if those intentions are not pure, and are not ones of love, then it’s better for the sex to be left un-had.

And for the few of you that may be thinking that it’s better to have manipulative sex than no sex at all in a relationship—consider the possibility that your collection of unwanted, and manipulative sexual experiences could very well lead to unconquerable resentment between you and your partner. Then before you know it, even when the intentions are good, and the candles are lit, you’ll find yourself sexually and emotionally exhausted—feelings that don’t exactly make for great sex.

For some, this may be common sense. And for others like myself, it may just be the reminder that saves your relationship. Sex does not all heal all wounds, even if it does heal your sexual frustration. So, instead, make it goal to openly communicate with your partner. Don’t hesitate to tell them your wants and needs, because blowing them in the right direction is not the answer, and an orgasm can only fix so much.