It’s that time of year again. Stores are filled with chocolates and oversized stuffed animals, everything looks like it has been sprayed with some kind of digestive aid and, most importantly, love is in the air. Or possibly not…
It is possible you are one of millions of people for whom Valentine’s Day will be just another Thursday filled (at least in my case) with a desperate amount of cramming as the initial wave of midterms sweeps over your head. According to popular consensus, this is a pitiable fate. After all, how could anyone stand to be alone during the most romantic day of the year? How can you possibly know your self-worth without some Instagram-worthy bag of crap from an attractive person? Forget about being unkind or cruel. According to the media, being “alone” on Valentine’s Day is one of the worst things you can be. Before you inevitably cry into a large tub of ice cream as you consider how you are going to die alone (the only option for a single individual during Valentine’s Day), I encourage you to take a deep breath and realize that your worth is not defined by having a significant other.
As someone who is perpetually single, I have experienced all the probing questions and pity that come with a lack of a date on Valentine’s Day (or really any other day of the year). I can also tell you from personal experience that the weird Valentine’s Day anti-single agenda actually exists all year round. Anytime I go to visit family, one of the first questions is a hopeful, “Any boyfriends?” While I know the question is not meant to be intrusive or obnoxious, there is a small part of me that hates how the primary focus of college is sometimes made out to be who I am doing rather than what I am doing. This well intentioned, if uninformed, fixation on the relationship status of college students actually winds up hurting the romances that are apparently so important. Despite what Hallmark specials would have you believe, relationships and college are both a lot of hard work. Don’t feel bad if you don’t think you have the time and energy to juggle both at the same time. Remember, it is far more important to maintain a healthy mental balance than to check some imaginary box in a social to-do list.
The pressure to be in a relationship also comes from sources outside your direct circle of family and friends. In places like Utah where young marriage is very common, the pressure to be in a relationship can feel like it’s coming from all sides. Even if you are not a member of the LDS Church, it’s an odd feeling to be in a class full of people your age who are engaged or married. Even if you logically understand that such a choice is not right for you, it’s easy to feel as though you are falling behind your peers. Cultural pressures combined with the never ending media messages that tell you your life is incomplete without an S.O. can lead to a confusing mix of emotions when you find yourself single on Valentine’s Day. For moments when your Instagram feed makes you feel like the only person in the world not in a relationship, I recommend taking a step back and considering the true meaning of Valentine’s Day.
For a holiday that is supposed to be entirely about love, Valentine’s Day is remarkably short sighted. Because nearly all marketing emphasizes romantic love, we often forget that love exists in many equally important forms, whether they are friends, family, or significant others, we all have people who we love and care about in our lives. Even if you don’t have a date this Valentine’s Day, use the 14th to remind the people you love just how much they mean to you and fulfill what should be the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. You may be a single-Pringle, but remember, you are not alone!
No matter what you have planned for Valentine’s Day, or the nature of your relationship status, don’t let mass media make you feel less than you should. You are loved, you are special, and you totally deserve that sweet February 15th discount chocolate. Happy Valentine’s Day collegiettes!