Has anyone ever wondered about the history behind St. Patrick’s Day? Who even is this Patrick fellow? And why must I wear green or suffer obnoxious pinching from everyone? Are we supposed to give each other presents? Is this really just an excuse to drink on a weekday? Well, I set out to find the answers to these questions and more – but I got completely wrapped up in learning about leprechauns. I found out a lot of interesting “facts” from a variety of sources. I was doing this research project pretty late at night, so I can’t be blamed for my thoughts drifting in weird directions. I mean, honestly, what would it be like to date a leprechaun? And so, I give you 3 facts that make a leprechaun better than your boyfriend!
1. I don’t know about you, but my boyfriend doesn’t even like to look at rainbows, let alone store pots of gold at the end of them.
Okay, so this isn’t really a new found fact, but still, it couldn’t be ignored. While your boyfriend asks if you can pay for the pizza this time, leprechauns have more gold than they know what to do with.
I’m well aware that if I tried to get to the end of a rainbow it would never work. But here’s the new fact that I found out that makes science no longer an obstacle. There are no female leprechauns. So if you catch a leprechaun, he’ll probably fall in love with you. Just be your charming self (maybe dye your hair red and only wear green) and I’d bet you get that little Irish man wrapped around your finger in no time. And what’s his is yours, right?!
2. Leprechauns are cobblers!
Leprechauns are historically known to have the profession of cobblers. In case you’re unawre, cobblers are shoe makers. Do you know what this means!? Your leprechaun boyfriend could repair any broken pair of heels. He could make you couture foot wear! Forget Yves St. Laurent, we’re all about that Original St. Patrick!
This is a huge upgrade from your boyfriend who doesn’t even know the difference between wedges and stilettos.
3. A leprechaun would literally grant 3 of any of your wishes.
Ask a leprechaun for a new car, new jewelry, and straight A’s this semester! Easy. He can do that for you. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is struggling to remember that you asked him to please bring you a snack to the library. I must warn you, there was one word of caution, leprechauns are tricky little fairies who try to use your words against you. But hey! Your actual boyfriend has tried to do that to you and you’ve further manipulated the conversation to end in your favor. Choose your wishes as carefully as you plan your rebuttle texts and you’ll get anything you’ve ever wanted!
And there you have it. Probably dump your boyfriend this holiday season and find yourself a miniature man to hang out with!
Leprechauns are also known to be manipulative greedy drunks. But maybe you’ll be the girl to change him!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, next week, collegiettes! HCXO!