Sexual Tension: The Missing Ingredient in YOUR Sex Life

I am a firm believer that everyone needs a good daily dose of sexual tension in their lives. Whether it comes from an office flirtationship, a forbidden romance, or the late-night messaging you deny, it is an absolutely essential part of maintaining that healthy sex drive you know and love. After all, what’s more fun than the anticipatory, and the build-up of the long-awaited? And I know what you’re thinking, “What’s better than the anticipation? Well, it’s the prize at the end.” But I am here to disagree.

Just for a moment, think about your last date-night hookup, one that wasn’t a one-night-stand, but one that basked in the heat of good ole’ sexual tension. Remember the excitement of the first kiss, and the way you pictured what they looked like naked. Imagine the fun of wondering what the sex would be like, and when they would finally make that “first move.” And after all the fun of the beginning firsts settled, you found out what the sex was like, kisses became casual.  After that, you fell in love.

So unfortunately, once we dive into the commitments of relationships and monogamy, we hand over this sexual tension as payment, as if we have no choice. And despite finding this to be a terrible tragedy, I believe a lot of us do it without even knowing. We become obsessed with holding hands in grocery stores, and kissing on the train, and clinging to our significant others as if they would never leave. We grow accustomed to having a person to kiss, and hug, and touch at any given moment. Consequentially, most of us take advantage of such a privilege, and quickly become the infamous “PDA couples.”

personally, I believe this very phase of comfort, security, and unlimited hand holding is the ultimate killer of the sexual tension that keeps our relationships exciting. When we dive into the world of committed monogamous sex, we end up drowning in the boring and predictable wave of hello kisses, goodbye kisses, and every kiss in between. And quickly, the longing that fed the fire of passion, is extinguished by the “comfortable.” Soon after, the sexual tension in your relationship is no where to be found. What then is a solution to what appears to be our inevitable doom? To put it simply—I believe cutting out that infamous PDA to be the very answer to all of our questions.

After all, if we’re spending every moment all over our significant others, isn’t the excitement of intimacy bound to dissipate? Because in the end, doesn’t the sexual tension and thrill of new relationships come from the nervousness and butterflies of NOT touching each other?

I am far from suggesting that the key to exciting sex is simply stopping kisses over dinner and cuddling at the movies. Good sex requires chemistry, trust, and maybe even a few new moves from Cosmo—things far beyond PDA. All I am suggesting is that a few less public makeout-sessions might just bring back the spark of sexual tension into your relationship (and who doesn’t love some good sexual tension?).